Thursday, August 30, 2007
He left his tie and his boxers with me. I am tempted to mail them to his job or his house. I know his office address and I spent some time yesterday trying to find his home address. The white pages only list his street name. So I went out there and looked for his car. I saw a car like it, but it was too far up the driveway to see the license plate and I wasn't looking too hard. I'll have to go back next week and look again. I looked up that address and it belongs to someone else, but it could be that he lives with that person. I don't know. I have time to figure it out.
Yesterday he was supposed to come over, but he didn't and told me it wasn't right. He said he would try to come next week and bring me some money. I told him he didn't have to. But he said he would try. I asked what he had done so far to try to make things right with his wife. He said he talked to his pastot and told him everything. The pastor gave him some scriptures and told him to tarry the Lord. He doesn't have time to tarry and I doubt he will or even knows how. But whatever. His pastor should have scheduled some counseling with him. You can't send sinners off with a scripture and an encouraging word. That amounts to crap in their hands.
Well I honestly think that he's gonna be back, but if not i'm gonna think about what I should do with his stuff.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
I was preparing for my class when he knocked on my apartment door. I let him in and before I could say hello he was undoing his tie and walking toward my bedroom. I asked him where he thought he was going. He asked "Are we going to do this?" He seemed angry and I didn't want him to be mad at me if we were going to have sex. "My room is a mess.", I stalled. "I don't care about your room." I walked in behind him. I kept my distance and stared at him as he unbuttoned his shirt. "What?" he stopped undressing "Are you mad?" I asked looking at him over my shades. "What do you want to do?" he asked. "I think we should talk." I said reluctantly. "You asked me over here to talk? We could have talked on the phone. I didn't drive all the way over here to talk." he looked me up and down. "You're mad. I don't want to do anything if your gonna be mad at me." "Tell me what you want to do then!" he threw his hands up. "Are you gonna hurt me?" I wasn't sure if he was mad enough to attack me, especially if he felt I might tell on him. "No babygirl. Come here." his voice became soft as he reached around my waste, "I won't bite you." He drew me against his body and admired my curves in the mirror. I felt his erection against my thigh. "I'm not gonna hurt you. I want you. I know you can feel I want you." I layed my head against his shoulder and listened intently. "I want you, but it's just not right. It's not right.", he pulled back to look in my eyes. We began to kiss. Then the climate changed.
He bit passionately into my neck as he stroked my back, my butt and my thighs. He pulled my jeans off and reached underneath my panties to get his fingers wet. I kicked off my jeans and he slipped out of his clothes. He laid on the mattress. I landed on top of him. He unhooked my bra and caressed my breast. He pulled down his boxers and motioned for me to give him head. "Do it until I come." He laced his fingers through my hair and guided my head into the pace he wanted. He let go and enjoyed his show. "I want to be inside you so bad. Where's that condom?" It was right next to my leg on the floor I gave it to him. He put it on and I started riding him. But he took over and started pounding into me. "Is it mine? Is it mine?", he spanked my ass. I couldn't help but say yes, because he was owning it. He stopped and let me work my hips a bit. "Do reverse cowgirl. That's my favorite." He repositioned himself long ways on the mattress. I turned around. He pulled my ankles, my knees dropped down, then he placed his hand on my hips, "Grab my legs." I wrapped my hands around his shins. I found a good rhythm that he liked. He pulled me backward. I arched my back and he supported me by my arms. I rode him like that until he came. It was great. Afterward we engaged in what I guess is his post-sex ritual. I licked his nipples while he masturbated. Whatever gets him off, I guess.
He began ruminating over everything immediately. "Jesus. I'm never gonna do what's right." I tried to reassure him. I told him it was okay if he didn't want to do this anymore. I felt pretty sorry for him. We had a short discussion about sin and salvation. On which I consider myself a mini expert since I spent the past 4 years of my life reading as much as I could on it. He told me he had a lot of passion for me. After he dressed he grabbed the DVD he had rented for me. He looked in his wallet. Apparently there was no money there cause he looked quite guilty. I didn't say anything. I thought if maybe I didn't ask for money he would see me as less of a gold digger and more as someone he should give money too. Maybe he will think that I like him for him and not his money. I don't know. Maybe it will bite me in the butt.
The truth is I do like him. I think if he weren't married we would date and talk for real. He's this handsome, smart, powerful older attorney and I'm this cute, intelligent, sweet young student. It's such a sexy combination. After being with someone who couldn't quite decide what he really wanted to do with his life. It's nice to be around someone who is focused and accomplished. I just wish he was more focused on me. Later this evening he told me he couldn't stop thinking about me and that he was going to think about what he wanted to do. We agreed to meet up again Tuesday. We'll see if he goes through with it. Part of me feels like all this drama is a turn on for him: Wanting the young woman he shouldn't have. Having the young woman he wants. The young woman wanting him, but unsure. Assuring her that he is what she wants. Risking his marriage to be with that young woman. Maybe that is what he really wants. A soap opera life with passionate sex.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Hi to everyone who reads this. I've started this diary because I have come to a climactic point in my life. I spent the past 4 years of my life being something I thought I should be, but wasn't. I lived a rigid lifestyle and appreciated the discipline it gave me, but over the last year the discipline became a pain. Something in side of me was not satisfied. Something that had been brewing since I was a child and began to culminate in college, but was supressed during the last 4 years of my professional education. I suppose it was necessary in order to be succesful thus far, but now I am taking a year off to pursue another degree and I have more time on my hands. That something in me has taken over and I have completely left the contraints behind.
I've always wanted to be the object of boys/mens desires. There are several avenues to this. I could be a stripper, but I don't want to dance infront of a bunch of strangers naked. I could be a porn star, but I don't want to have unprotected sex with various men all day/everyday. I could be a prostitute, but I don't want to walk the streets or sleep with various strange men and then give my money over to some type of boss. So what's left. What can I do to get a man to make me the object of his obsession, to make him want to spend all his money on me and romance my body. Who can I give all my loving to and make feel like a king. Who doesn't want strings attached, won't try to control my life. What type of arrangement am I really looking for?
You know I have always been fascinated by the Geisha lifestyle. I had watched a PBS special in high school and learned that these women are not prostitutes, a common misconception. They are artists and entertainers. They lived their lives learning to be exactly what men desired, intelligent, well spoken, well mannered, meek...I read Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden and learned that business men would often sponsor a Geisha buying her kimonos, paying for her education, and taking her on trips. Men even bought the rights to their virginities. I wished that I was a Geisha.
I've always secretly had an attraction for older men. I spent 2 months crushing on an 50 something upper level. They are refined, they have power and money, they've met with success, they are willing to teach, share, and lead, they are settled, they take their time, they know how to please. I feel this type of presence in my life would be of much benefit to my future and present. I need money. I want to be taken care of.
So how can I fulfill my desire to be some type of Geisha and be in a relationship with an older man. I thought about that one day this summer and I came to the decision to try something I never thought of. I joined a sugar daddy/sugar baby dating site.
It was a joke to me at first. I just wanted to see what type of people were up there. I figured it would be a bunch of very old, rich white men, but I was suprised to see some young men and some black men. I got several email requests to "Give this sugar daddy a chance" But none of them entirely met my requirements: under 40, black, nearby, gold membership to the site. Then one day I got an email from a lawyer. He described himself as a black 37 yo, 6ft, 220lbs in good shape, professional man with own business making 100,000-200,000 a year and looking for a sweet girl he can spoil. He told me I seemed to be exactly what he was looking for. We talked back and forth on email. He gave me his number and we talked. I loved his voice. It was deep, but refreshing and engaging. He sounded full of life, intelligent, and totally excited about our proposed arrangement. I told him I needed help with my bills, he told me he wanted relaxation and intimacy twice a week. I told him I wouldn't be moving back to the area for another two weeks and he seemed okay with that. We continued to talk on the phone, but mostly emailing as he was very busy traveling up and down the east coast. He sent me a picture. He doesn't look exactly like I expected, but he's not a complete monster, so I am satisfied.
Now here I am 2 days before our scheduled first meeting. Excited about what is to come. My first official sugar daddy is waiting for me to be his sugar baby. I have a friend coming in town just in case something happens. There have been times in my life when I felt like I was doing something uneccessary. Like i wasn't going in the rigth direction. Like I was doing the wrong thing. I don't have that feeling with this situation. In fact I feel exactly opposite. I know it sounds strange, but I feel like this is exactly where my life has lead me up to this point and that I am doing something that will help me develop into who I will be the rest of my life. This is definitely a significant climactic point in my life.
I have been reading up on the SD/SB arrangement. I wish I had read before because I have already made some mistakes, but my SD is being patient with me.
So everyone is all caught up now. I will give updates as the story develops.
On our first meeting I wasn't nervous until I got to the restaurant at which he chose to meet. Up until that point I felt really secure in my decision. I felt sure that he was a real person, who would fulfill his part of the arrangement. I felt confident that I could fulfill mine. Rolling into the parking lot, my tummy began to turn over and I thought I might become sick. I put on my sunglasses that I was planning to wear throughout the entire date, in case he was a pain to look at. As I looked for a space, I saw him walking toward the entrance. I couldn't see details, but I could see that he was not extremely overweight. So I was pleased and my fears started to subside. He noticed me staring and stopped to follow me. After parking, I stepped out of my small SUV wearing my 3 inch platform sandals, stretch jeans, and gold sleevless v neck top. He stopped in his tracks, apparently taken aback by my appearance. He lifted his sunglasses, "Wow! You are beautiful." The first thing I noticed was his eyes. They were soft and engaging. His teeth were white and straight, one of my requirements for intimacy I listed on my profile. He was not a monster. I hugged him and he pulled me in close. He stared at me. I thought he wasn't going to let me go. I asked if we were going to go eat cause I was hungry. He grabbed my hand, "We don't have to. I'm hungry but not for food." What a corny line I thought, but he was old school so it wasn't so bad. I told him I didn't want to fall in my heels. He looked down at my feet. "How tall are they?" I didn't know, but I knew he liked them.
Once inside he asked the host for a non-smoking booth, "You're pictures don't do you justice." I thanked him for his compliments. We sat and ate and talked. That's when I noticed his left ring finger was wrapped in a thick gold band. I knew he had to be married. We never talked after hours or on weekends. He said he and his wife were not intimate and were just staying together for their child. I didn't mind. I have been the other woman before. It's a role that I am comfortable with especially in this arrangement. As long as I am protected from her.
After our discussion, we went back to my apartment. I probably shouldn't allow a stranger in my home, but I was in an especially trusting mood. I put on some music, the same music I had put on a cd for him. We kissed, stripped off our clothes, he ate me out, I returned the favor and we had sex. We used protection of course. He is a very good lover and not afraid to express his enthusiasm, which I love. I enjoy immediate feedback. We laid together a while. His phone had been going off the entire time, so I knew he needed to get back to his office soon. As I got dressed he reached into his wallet and placed my allowance underneath my laptop. We kissed goodbye and planned to meet again before the weekend.
He gave me a bigger allowance than I had asked for. I guess I was more than he expected, a pleasant surprise. I was equally impressed. He later texted me, saying he was sprung and that he wanted to take care of me, protect me, be my lover and my man.
Since then we have met again. I got a dvd player and some gas money and he's planning a way to take care of my debt. I have also verified his identity. He gave me a fake last name at first. I google searched a famous case in which he represented the defendent. The first name was the same, but the last name was different. On our last meeting, I asked to see his phone. It had his full name on the screen, which matched the lawyer from the case. Later I looked up his address and work place. He lives in a ritzy neighborhood of million dollar homes and does own his own law firm. Nice to have some confirmation that I've made the right decision.
My goals for this arrangement are to get rid of my credit card debt, live comfortably, get pampered, and be the object and fulfillment of a successful man's desires. I am happy being a sugar baby.