Saturday, August 18, 2007

1st entry from twstdelegnce.diaryland.com

Here is the first entry from my diary at twstdelegnce.diaryland.com. I thoguht it was important to have here since this is where I will continue to blog.

Hi to everyone who reads this. I've started this diary because I have come to a climactic point in my life. I spent the past 4 years of my life being something I thought I should be, but wasn't. I lived a rigid lifestyle and appreciated the discipline it gave me, but over the last year the discipline became a pain. Something in side of me was not satisfied. Something that had been brewing since I was a child and began to culminate in college, but was supressed during the last 4 years of my professional education. I suppose it was necessary in order to be succesful thus far, but now I am taking a year off to pursue another degree and I have more time on my hands. That something in me has taken over and I have completely left the contraints behind.

I've always wanted to be the object of boys/mens desires. There are several avenues to this. I could be a stripper, but I don't want to dance infront of a bunch of strangers naked. I could be a porn star, but I don't want to have unprotected sex with various men all day/everyday. I could be a prostitute, but I don't want to walk the streets or sleep with various strange men and then give my money over to some type of boss. So what's left. What can I do to get a man to make me the object of his obsession, to make him want to spend all his money on me and romance my body. Who can I give all my loving to and make feel like a king. Who doesn't want strings attached, won't try to control my life. What type of arrangement am I really looking for?

You know I have always been fascinated by the Geisha lifestyle. I had watched a PBS special in high school and learned that these women are not prostitutes, a common misconception. They are artists and entertainers. They lived their lives learning to be exactly what men desired, intelligent, well spoken, well mannered, meek...I read Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden and learned that business men would often sponsor a Geisha buying her kimonos, paying for her education, and taking her on trips. Men even bought the rights to their virginities. I wished that I was a Geisha.

I've always secretly had an attraction for older men. I spent 2 months crushing on an 50 something upper level. They are refined, they have power and money, they've met with success, they are willing to teach, share, and lead, they are settled, they take their time, they know how to please. I feel this type of presence in my life would be of much benefit to my future and present. I need money. I want to be taken care of.

So how can I fulfill my desire to be some type of Geisha and be in a relationship with an older man. I thought about that one day this summer and I came to the decision to try something I never thought of. I joined a sugar daddy/sugar baby dating site.

It was a joke to me at first. I just wanted to see what type of people were up there. I figured it would be a bunch of very old, rich white men, but I was suprised to see some young men and some black men. I got several email requests to "Give this sugar daddy a chance" But none of them entirely met my requirements: under 40, black, nearby, gold membership to the site. Then one day I got an email from a lawyer. He described himself as a black 37 yo, 6ft, 220lbs in good shape, professional man with own business making 100,000-200,000 a year and looking for a sweet girl he can spoil. He told me I seemed to be exactly what he was looking for. We talked back and forth on email. He gave me his number and we talked. I loved his voice. It was deep, but refreshing and engaging. He sounded full of life, intelligent, and totally excited about our proposed arrangement. I told him I needed help with my bills, he told me he wanted relaxation and intimacy twice a week. I told him I wouldn't be moving back to the area for another two weeks and he seemed okay with that. We continued to talk on the phone, but mostly emailing as he was very busy traveling up and down the east coast. He sent me a picture. He doesn't look exactly like I expected, but he's not a complete monster, so I am satisfied.
Now here I am 2 days before our scheduled first meeting. Excited about what is to come. My first official sugar daddy is waiting for me to be his sugar baby. I have a friend coming in town just in case something happens. There have been times in my life when I felt like I was doing something uneccessary. Like i wasn't going in the rigth direction. Like I was doing the wrong thing. I don't have that feeling with this situation. In fact I feel exactly opposite. I know it sounds strange, but I feel like this is exactly where my life has lead me up to this point and that I am doing something that will help me develop into who I will be the rest of my life. This is definitely a significant climactic point in my life.

I have been reading up on the SD/SB arrangement. I wish I had read before because I have already made some mistakes, but my SD is being patient with me.
So everyone is all caught up now. I will give updates as the story develops.

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