Friday, September 28, 2007

Tired of Wanting

I've been in tears during much of my alone time today. Of course I had to suck it up for class, but now that I am home again, it's hard to fight.

Flow is still around, but he has slammed on the breaks and is no longer in Turbo Speed. He says he feels the same about me, but that he also feels sorry for me for what I went through.

I don't want him to stick around out of pity. I am asking alot of him. More than the average man would be able to do. I know that part of him wants to leave me in the dust, I can feel it. If I was a triffling ho and had him fucking me and spending all his money on me, then told him I had HSV or gave him herpes, he would probably jet with out even thinking. But he sees me as this really nice woman that fell into an unfortunate situation and now has to suffer the consequences for the rest of her life. He doesn't want to feel responsible for making things worse. I'm sure part of him does feel a little betrayed by me. I let him say all these things and touch my heart, then I turned around and stabbed him in the heart.

Last night I talked to him and he was cleaning his garage and drinking beer and part of me felt like he was trying to take his mind off things. Cause who just starts cleaning out their garage in the evening after working all day. No one, unless they are having a little hypomanic episode triggered by emotional stress. I'm having a little depressive episode. I guess we handle things differently. He asked me lots of questions last night about how everything developed and then he said the silliest thing. He told me he associates herpes with white people. I bet he doesn't like white people too much, which can translate into him attaching those feelings to me. I don't want him to hate me, but I also don't need his pitty. I'll find someone, although I am definitely feeling like I missed my chance here. But you know what, if it's meant to be it will be and if it's not meant to be, then it was never gonna happen in the first place.

He was supposed to come visit me tomorrow. He had been telling me all week that he was coming. I will see what he's saying tonight. I'm pretty sure he's changed his mind. In which case, I won't deal with him anymore. I will know if the feelings he had been professing are real. If he comes then he probably really likes me and wants to see if he can be around me without thinking, "Man she has herpes." every 5 minutes. If he doesn't come then I know he never really liked me. It's just that simple. No gray areas for me. None of this well he might have liked you but now he doesn't. It's either he always did or never did. Black or white. Maybe that's a borderline personality trait, but its a defense mechanism that works for me. That way I don't have to sit around wondering what did I do wrong and how could I have changed it. Just blame it all on fate or the other person. LOL!

Yep I am depressed. I have this feeling of doom. I feel like a series of unfortunate events is about to happen. I was doing good all summer, but fall is here and it has brought gloom. I so badly want this to turn out good, but...I dont think it's possible and I am usually right about these things.

I forgot to write yesterday about Sug. I met him at 6am near the airport to collect some money. He didn't give me what I asked for, but that's fine. He tried to get me to get in the back of his truck to get some head or nipple action I suppose. I refused. Then he tried to feel me up in the parking lot. I asked, "Don't you want to try to make things right with your wife?" He said, "Yes, but I'm really horny right now." I just thought to myself, "what a pitiful guy." I wanted to roll my eyes. You either want me or you don't.

I really don't want to deal with him anymore. I need an honest man in my life. Everyman I've met since my ex has lied to me. Flow lied about smoking, when I could clearly smell it on him that night. I guess he thought it was covered up, but I have a sensitive nose and I am allergic to ciggy smoke to the point where I get nauseous. He told me he quit. Then I asked him recently when he quit smoking, he hesitated and I was like, "Let me restate that. How much do you smoke a week?" He was able to answer that question. If Flow had told me that he smoked, he probably thought I might have said, "Well I don't like smokers so I'm not boing to have sex with you." I don't know. I guess people lie so they don't have to suffer consequences or to give people the impression they want. I've lied for those reasons. I lie to my parents for those reason, or at least don't tell them stuff for that reason. Makes things go a whole lot smoother and you never have to worry that the truth will come back to haunt you. People have a funny way of throwing stuff back in your face. You open up to them and then later they say remember what you told me and it's like "I don't want to be reminded. Thanks." Sometimes they do it to hurt you, sometimes just to be funny, sometimes to trap you and make an example out of you.

Radio is a liar too. He slept with my cousin before me. I asked him about it and he said nothing happened between them. My cousin had no reason to make it up, so of course I believe her. But he has ever reason to lie. If he said "yes I slept with your cousin", I might have said "well don't think you're going to sleep with me." I let him get away with it though, cause I liked him and she didn't want to have anything to do with him. Overall he's a nice guy and he means well, so why make him suffer the consequences of lieing. He'll continue to lie in the future. Nothing I can do to change it. It's just human nature.

In a way, lieing is a benefit to both parties. Like in the situation of infidelity. If I love my husband I want to stay with him. I want to put all my trust in him. I want others to see what a loving and faithful marriage we have. If he cheats on me, do I really want him to tell me. First of all our picture of a close to perfect marriage would be ruined. If I want to stay with him I have to go through life pretending that I felt the same about him. I would no longer trust him and the relationship would just fall apart. Where as if he lied and covered things up, I would be none the wiser and I could continue loving him and no one would no the difference. I wouldn't have to suffer for his behavior. We'd remain happy.

Maybe I should have continued covering things up with Flow. No, no! I did the right thing. No use dragging things out. I hope he comes tomorrow. I really do. I pray he comes tomorrow. God please let him come tomorrow! Please!

Monday, September 24, 2007

Feeling a little Better

I like Flow. I called him last night and some dude answered his phone saying Flow was asleep. I was put off by that. I was angry at first, because part of me wanted to think that he was avoiding me. He was supposed to call me after he finished his job, but he didn't and now his friend was telling me he was asleep. I just wanted to believe that he was trying to drop me in a really imature way. But this morning I called and he seemed happy to hear from me and told me to call him when I had a break during the day and I did. Tonight I'll wait for him to call me though. His offer is still on the table and he said I could take my time to think about it and that there was no rush. That's so nice. I kinda want to take my time to decide what I'll do about Radio.

Sug is no longer a problem. I wrote him an email about how he's been treating me unfairly. He wrote back saying he would continue to help me out, but that we couldn't be intimate because he and his wife are getting back together. He failed to tell me before that they were separated, but I kinda figured that anyway. He'd better continue to help me, he's made me so miserable and he is clearly a liar. But I have a feeling he is gonna do all he can to keep from giving me anything. I'm just gonna guilt trip him to death. It worked with Curve.

This summer when I went back to my home town for the summer, Curve kept begging to see me. He would say let's meet for dinner this day and let's go to the movies this night. He'd call me on the scheduled day and say "I'm going home to get ready. I'll call you when I'm done." I would go out to his city which was about 30 minutes away just so I'd be around when he would call and he wouldn't have to wait forever to meet me. I'd be out there forever and ever. He would leave his phone in the car, so his wife couldn't check it and therefore he wouldn't answer when I would call. And I would end up going back home. This happened twice and the last time I left him a nasty message about how he's treated me all these years and never given me anything, about how I never denied him unless I had a man and sometimes I'd see him even if I had a man. I just went off. He felt so bad. He told me he would make it up to me and start treating me better. He let me come to his house one night, when his wife was out of town with the kids. We had sex on the beautiful canopy bed in his guest room. He's such an amazing lover. I wish it wasn't so rushed that time, but I had brought a friend over just in case the neighbors were watching, and we didn't want to keep her waiting. She didn't care though. But anyway Curve really loves sex. All men love sex, but he loves the art of lovemaking. He's got every stroke down to a science and it's like he can feel a woman's body giving feedback to his and he responds back with a coinciding change in pace or rhythm or position. It's just awesome. We did it another night in my car. He told his wife he was going out to get condoms and K-Y for them, but we used it for us. That was the last time and the final time I hope. He's still mad at me. I thought more about why. After making him feel guilty about the way he treated me he started giving me money. $100 dollars at a time. He only did this a few times, but he told me he didn't mind helping me because he felt like he owed me. Which he does, for all the years I got second rate treatment. He took me out to dinner once in undergrad. One time. We called each other soulmates, but he only took me out once and never bought me a gift. But anyway, I suppose he is upset that I got this money out of him and made him feel bad, like I was playing him or using him. I was in a way, but I really did feel like he owed me and clearly he felt the same, so...I don't know.

Radio didn't call me last night. I called him twice. He didn't answer. He has some nasty habits though. Drinking and gambling. He plays cards and bets on games and plays the lotto. His excuse is that he's not hurting anybody and he's not doing worse things like killing and robbing. Wooo! I don't like that and if we were seriously dating I wouldn't allow it. But this is just for fun, so he can do what he wants.

Well I miss Flow. I wish I could see him sooner than later. I have 3 image of his face burned in my head. One, when he was in his van looking me up and down and licking his lips. Two, when he was on top of me and his face looked like it was going to burst with pleasure. And Three, after he got out of my car and he looked back at me with a boyish grin and waved. The last is my favorite. I just want to see his beautiful face again.

Sunday, September 23, 2007


I hate men today. All of them. From the classmate, who is too aloof to even ask me out to Flow, who is putting wood floors in a house instead of sitting next to me to Sug who I don't even have to say anything about. Men are the worst. Sorry.

I guess I should be happy that Flow is being professional and not sitting in someones home on the cell phone while he's working or dropping a job to see me. I should be happy he even has a job.

I was watching HipHop Wives on E! and I started thinking about my ex. One of my pet peeves about him is that he was always strapped for cash. It was a big deal to even go out to eat, cause he rarely ever had money. I never complained. I wasn't with him because of money. He was in school, like me. But he would go out and buy stuff like water shoes or DVDs or CD's of bad music no one has heard of. That bothered me. And he had this all or none attitude. He couldn't take me on a trip and ask me to marry him, so he just asked me in my parents living room while we were watching Jay Leno. No kneeling, no ring, no romantic speech, just, "Marry me, I'm serious." The fact that he had to say "I'm serious" tells you how much of a joke it was. I said yes, but I really wanted to say "Are you kidding me? No you gotta be kidding me?" We were engaged for like half of our relationship, maybe more. But he didn't have money and neither did I and quite frankly we probably weren't meant to get married anyway. I had set a date of July 7 2007, but we broke up before that. He also could never settle on any one thing to do. Since 21 he had changed his career goals so many times. I had to think about this when I was deciding to break up with him. Why couldn't he stay focused? He would send me emails about hotel management jobs in China. What the hell? Let's try being a hotel clerk in America first, then maybe manager in China. Even after I talked to him about it, it didn't get much better. It would frustrate me and I had to get out of there.

Flow is focused. He has money. He's really fine. He's really nice. We have some superficial things in common. And he supposedly likes me. I'm still not sure about that. Today I was supposed to find out, but I'll have to wait a little longer. Or maybe I have my answer.

I hate men. I hate men!

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Stood up again... and maybe again

You know, I am really tired of my reluctant sug. He stood me up again. He said he had to pick up his son and he wasn't sure if he could see me and get back in time to pick him up. I told him family comes first. But the fact is, he shouldn't have been running away from me all this time. So I'm thinking about just letting him go. I have another reason to let him go. Flow!

Yesterday, he asked me about joining his team, ie starting a relationship. He's moving pretty fast with this. I mean I was looking at him as this really hot guy that just wanted to have sex with me, cause maybe I look easy. But now he's telling me that he thinks I'm special and singing songs to me and talking about feeling something for me and fate. It's so strange. I haven't gone there with a guy in over 4 years. So it's difficult for me to even begin to look at him that way. I have forgotten what I look for in a good man. I have forgotten what it feels like when you start to fall in love. I don't remember what I want in a relationship. I have forgotten everything. I just know that at this point, I don't know enough about him to say I definitely want to be his girl. I know that he's absolutely gorgeous. I know that he is moving faster than I am comfortable with. I know that he is a go getter. I do remember that the last time I hurried into a relationship I ended up with an abusive guy. So what to do? What to do? I could go out on a limb and dive in head first. Put my heart out there and be vulnerable. Allow life to teach me another lesson, maybe one that I should have learned already. I don't know.

But what about Radio. Where does that leave him? I mean he's not chop liver to me. He has been kinda getting on my nerves lately, though. But people do that sometimes. I got kinky twist put in my hair today. I told him and he was dissapointed that I had hair added. I explained that I did it because I'm gonna start working out regularly again and it makes it easier to keep my hair looking nice. But he went on this rant about how one day a woman will have short hair and then come out with long hair the next. I feel like this is such an ignorant point of view, because nowadays women aren't really looked down upon for having a weave. Every where you look women are adding hair. I remember one year most of the black women in my program came back from summer break with much longer fuller hair. My mother adds hair because hers is thinning and breaking as she gets older. I wouldn't where tracks, that is just my preference and I don't want to straighten my hair again, but what others choose is for them. Anyway, Radio made me kinda mad with that. I also get tired of him complaining about his second job. Nobody told him to pick up another job. He wanted to so he would have money for his daughter for Christmas and money to spend when he comes to see me. I told him he should determine how much money he needs and then schedule his hours and days according to that, so he won't burn himself out. He was like, "well I don't want to limit how much I can spend. If I say $300, I'll end up spending $500." I was like "then do $500." Cause I doubt he'll spend more than that, and if he does, so what? Too much stress. But enough to drop him? I mean he's working a second job to come see me next month. I can't just be like "I got a man now." MMMMM? Then again he hasn't made a commitment to me. If anyone should be asking me to be his girl at this time, it is Radio. We've been talking since August and I flew up to see him. Hello!

Flow is supposed to come see me tomorrow. He called to tell me that he was doing a floor for a client and he was going to try to finish it before tomorrow. Doesn't sound good. He better not stand me up. That would make twice in one weekend. A girl can only take so much.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

New Daddy?

Wow. Yesterday, I was going into Bed, Bath, and Beyond to buy a mattress pad when a guy in an old van stopped to ask for directions to the grocery store. It was like 1/8 mile away but I didn't know which direction. I pointed around the area and told him it was either there or there. He thanked me and I turned to head into the store. "You have a beautiful smile." I turned back around. "Thank you.", I looked straight into his hazel eyes. He was lighted skined with curly hair. Older looking, yet minimal signs of aging. By looks I would estimate his age to be 31. But listening to his voice and conversation I would estimate 42. He looked me up and down. "What are you doing tonight?" "Studying." "You're in school? Where?" I told him. I stood there waiting. "Well if you weren't studying I'd take you out. I'm from out of town, but I'm doing some work here" "I need to go out. That would be nice." I stood there a while staring, waiting. He sat there a while staring, waiting. Nothing. Something was telling me not to let him drive away and something was telling him not to let me walk away. I decided to break the ice. "Well, let me get your number?" "Is it alright if I get yours?" "Sure." He wrote my number on the cover of a yellow folder. We said goodbye.

He called me later that night and I told him I could meet up with him after midnight. We met in the parking lot of his hotel. Now in glow of the parking lot lights he looked especially good. He looked like Terrence Howard to me, so I will call him Flow (from Hustle 'n Flow). He also looked a little like John Legend from some angles. He was just fine all over. My perfect type pretty much. We talked. He told me about his two houses he owns remodeled. He acted as if he was well off with his 3 cars and recent travels to Vegas and plans to go to Panama and London. He told me he would like someone to travel with him. He wanted to show me the special things in life. He's single, never been in jail, and seemingly a genuinely nice guy. It all really sounded to good to be true. I took everything at face value, knowing that his ultimate goal was to fuck me and he would probably say whatever he thought it would take to get me. At the same time I wanted to believe that he was attracted to me and really wanted to pamper me. I wanted to believe that I had met a sugar daddy without searching online. A sugar daddy spotted me and sensed my natural sugar baby abilities? Maybe...

We got touchy feely in the lot and then I invited him back to my apartment, since he was sharing a room with his business associate. Back at my place he put my bed sheets on while I cleaned up a bit. He took off his clothes and laid down. He then called me to bed. I thought that was so cute. I brushed my teeth and slipped into bed next too him. We began kissing almost immediately and ended up fucking. Flow is very well hung. He ranks number 4 in length and tied with Radio in girth. His performance is slightly better than average, but his a comparitively old guy so I have to give it to him.

I like Flow. He got a little lecturey sometimes, which older guys tend to do. But for the most part the conversation was good. I talked to him when he got back to his home town. I heard kids in the background, but I didn't ask about them. He asked me if he could claim me. I said we would talk about it when he came to see me on Sunday. I'm excited about this. I met a sugar daddy without really trying. Hopefully he is legite. I will find out soon. If he comes Sunday and we just spend the day inside sexing, I'll know he's not serious. But if he takes me out and perhaps buys me a little something and we talk more about his traveling plans, I'll be happy with him. And I can put reluctant Sugar Daddy on ice, so he can chill.

Sugar Daddy has finally started acting like he's interested again. I asked him for money to get my hair done and I think he's planning to come over tomorrow to take care of that. We'll see though. He might start having second thoughts again.

Well, things are looking pretty good.

PS Thanks for your comment Prabir!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

I hate him

My Sug is really making me mad right about now. I talked to him for a total of 10 seconds today. He sounded very sad and said he wasn't doing well and alot was going on in his life. I didn't know what to say. I feel like I should do something. I sent him a text asking if I could do anything, but he never answered. I think he's lying honestly. I think he is making this all up to somehow make me feel like he's getting his punishment for fucking me over and maybe I won't feel resentment toward him or the need to get him back.

I wrote his wife an email. I said I liked her music and asked if she did shows in NC. I really am trying to find out if she actually lives here, because my theory is that she doesn't.

I think Sug found someone else or he doesn't have the funds. Simple as that, sans all the lies. I'm gonna get it out of him and I'm gonna get my money one way or the other.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Come Back To Me

Sooooo I called Sug on Friday. He didn't answer, but then called right back like "Hello this is Mr. so and so. I received a call from this number. I was like "Did you erase my number from your phone? You don't know who I am anymore?" He said, "But I have an appointment." I didn't know what he was talking about, but I figured he was trying to cover up. I said, "Okay I see you are busy so I'll call later." He mumbled something and then hung up. Why did he call back? I don't know. Maybe he did erase my number, but no he would still recognize it. I believe or he would have just said, "You have the wrong number." So I feel like by making fake conversation he was trying to appease me in some way. Show that he hadn't forgotten about me, but that he was just busy. I miss him. I want him. I'm getting a new bed and I want him to lay next to me in it.

Today I asked Radio about marriage: Did he want to get married one day? Have his views about marriage changed since he was younger? He said he felt like he was being interviewed or interrogated. I was like just answer dude. He said he thought he would marry his baby mama (he has an 11 year old daughter). In most of his relationships he thought the girl was the one, but not so much anymore. He said he has felt bitterness toward some of the women he's dated and it's made him feel different about relationships. He said the way I feel about wanting to be a single mom is probably a result of my recent break up with the guy I thought I would marry. I don't know. Maybe I will change with time. I mean I say I'm okay with the break up. I get over guys pretty quickly, but I think I don't react to break ups like other women. My sister has commented on this in the past. Honestly I think it's because I spend a good amount of time contemplating the break up so that by the time I actually break up with the guy I have come to terms with it. But maybe this getting a sugar daddy and going to see a guy in another state is my way of acting out. I don't know really. All I know is that I am having a good time. It's a little frustrating but I don't mind not having a normal relationship or dating like women my age. I like being different.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Double Standards

I have a guy (we'll call him Curve, cause he used to wear that all the time) mad at me right now because he thinks that I lied to him. I don't get it. He asked me how many men I slept with. I've known him since pre-college when he was a grad student and we've been fucking off and on since my freshman year. I tell him everything about everyone, so he knows about all my lovers. And he knows I just got out of a monogomous 4 year relationship. But for some reason he thinks I've fucked more guys than I've told him. Honestly, I couldn't remember the exact number because for the past 4 years I didn't think about it and no one asked. And since the break up I've only added 2 men to the list and decided I didn't really care about the number anymore. I used to care. I told myself I would stop at 7 and the 7th guy would be my husband. Then I thought 10 would be a nice round number. But now I don't care. Anyway, when Curve asked me the number I honestly couldn't remember. I started trying to think of all the names of the guys I had slept with and even now I am starting to remember others. So I gave him an estimate of what I could recall and he went off. He called me a liar and started naming other guys. I was like oh yeah him and him okay. But he still accused me of trying to mislead him. Which is ridiculous. If I've told him about them all why would I try to hide some from him suddenly. I did lie about seeing someone new, but I didn't want to tell him about my Sugar Daddy. I did during this convo and look how he acted. I knew he would get mad and that is probably what he is really upset about. It's so stupid. I don't get it. So now he's doesn't want to talk to me.

What is up with these men not wanting to talk to me. Sugar daddy is hiding out. I hadn't texted him or anything for a couple of days and today I asked how he was and called but no answer.

It's amazing to me this double standard, paradoxical manner in which these guys operate. Curve is upset because he feels that I betrayed our friendship, but he has betrayed his wife since they were dating. It's ridiculous. And Sugar daddy with his lies about wanting to reconcile with his wife, but not making any efforts to do so and now trying to slowly sneak off. I hate men.

The only one acting right is the guy I visited last week, I'll call him Radio (after the Cuba Gooding, Jr. character, for various reasons, I won't get into now). But that's only cause I'm a guaranteed fuck for the moment. Plus I think he really likes me. I like him too, but I don't know where this will lead. For now I'm thinking he'll be like a travel buddy. If I feel like going off to Vegas I would call him.

I think I'll be a single mother. Before the blow up, Curve offered his sperm to me. I think that would be a beautiful baby. I'd rather Sug be the father of my child. Those would be some fat child support checks not to mention hush money. LOL! Radio could father my kid, but I'm not sure about the genes. Physically we're good, but mentally...Now you see why I call him Radio. He's not retarded or slow, just simple. Like Overton Wakefield Jones on In Living Single. Not a dumb guy, just approaches life in a concrete way.

Anyway, single motherhood looks more and more attractive everyday. It's more accepted nowadays and I'm not a teenager or on welfare, so who can look down on me for making that decision. Of course I'll wait until I finish school and settle into my career. I just don't see myself entering another long term relationship and marrying anymore.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Still No Answer

So I tried to reach Sugar Daddy today and he did not answer. I am going to wait a week before I start using my other means of communication. He should really tell me what's going on. I am a human being and I have feelings. It doesn't make since to say you want to be with a real person and then treat them like less than that. I know I said I wouldn't tell his wife, but now I am not so sure. I mean, he was doing good, but now he is slacking. I don't like that. I don't want to be left high and dry. If he doesn't want to see me anymore then he needs to let me know that. Instead of just trying to walk off, he needs to make arrangements to compensate me.

I hate to be like this cause I put myself in this situation knowing there was a risk I could be dissapointed. But at the same time, he made promises to me and I did what I did thinking he would fulfill his promises in the future. It was an investment and I didn't get a return on my investment so I am suing the person who scammed me knowing that this was a bad deal.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Older Men

I went on a trip this weekend. I visited a older guy that I've been talking too. I don't consider him a sugar daddy because he doesn't give me cash and he doesn't make a lot of money. I just met him a month ago and we've been talking every night since. I really like him for several reasons. He's genuine. He's lives a simple life. He doesn't mind spending money to take me out and show me a good time. Now I can add good sex to the list. He's in really good shape and he's comparatively short at about 5'8, so he feels good on top. When he fucks he likes to be close. So he held me tight in almost every position, which was a nice change. I felt like we were having tantric sex or something. Oh and he has a nice size dick. The 3rd longest and 4th thickest I've had. I was a little dissapointed though, cause he started eating me out but didn't finish and because he doesn't recover very fast, but he does go for a long time. I did come when he was fucking me from the back, but it was short. I really wanted to have a clitoral orgasm. Anyway, I can't wait to get with him again. He is coming to see me next time.

By the way, sugar daddy didn't answer my text messages or emails at the end of last week. I don't know what he's doing, but I don't like that. Hopefully he was just really busy, or I am just going to have to let him know he can't just walk off.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007


So my SD came over today. This was the best session yet. I wore a cute strapless dress from Banana Republic. He loved it, told me I looked sexy, was ready to get down at the door. I gave him a hug and asked him to help me get my new microwave out of my car. He did. Carried it all by himself. My strong sugar daddy.

We kissed. Did it twice in reverse cowgirl, his favorite and partook in his after sex ritual twice. He expressed his admiration throughout. It was great! Afterward he laid my head on his shoulder, I put my leg across his and held him tight. We just laid there for like 15 minutes. I think he wanted to take a nap, but he had to go back to work. We hugged and kissed good bye.

You know, I thought about everything. The information I have on him and the potential contact that I could have with his wife. I made him a mix cd with his wife's song as the last song, unlisted. But I decided not to give it to him and I made him a new one sans his wife. I decided not to say anything to her. Partly because he agreed to meet me this week and partly because it kinda turns me on. To know that I am fucking the husband of this kinda local celebrity singer lady. I know it seems silly maybe sadistic, but I like it. Maybe that's why the sex was so good today. Besides she didn't add me as a friend on myspace. And it wouldn't be right for me to tell her, even if he pissed me off. I couldn't ruin somebody's dream like that. It wouldn't be worth it.

Saturday, September 1, 2007


The internet is a powerful thing. It makes people more open than they would usually be. We will put information out there in the world wide web to be captured. I captured something yesterday. I did a search of my sugar daddy's name and ended up at his wife's myspace page. She's a pretty lady. Nothing wrong with her as far as looks. A couple of things struck me as odd though. Her location is NY. She is an unsigned singer, her album just released this month. She makes no mention of her family on the site, but it is a marketing page for her album, so why should she.

It leaves me wondering...did they grow apart when she started working on her music? Did she loose weight and out grow him? Did she stay behind in NY? Did she go to NY to work on her music? Are they even still together?

Also in my search I learned the names of his entire immediately family and came across his wedding photo.

I now understand when he said it's not her, it's me. He just can't keep it at home.