Thursday, September 13, 2007

Double Standards

I have a guy (we'll call him Curve, cause he used to wear that all the time) mad at me right now because he thinks that I lied to him. I don't get it. He asked me how many men I slept with. I've known him since pre-college when he was a grad student and we've been fucking off and on since my freshman year. I tell him everything about everyone, so he knows about all my lovers. And he knows I just got out of a monogomous 4 year relationship. But for some reason he thinks I've fucked more guys than I've told him. Honestly, I couldn't remember the exact number because for the past 4 years I didn't think about it and no one asked. And since the break up I've only added 2 men to the list and decided I didn't really care about the number anymore. I used to care. I told myself I would stop at 7 and the 7th guy would be my husband. Then I thought 10 would be a nice round number. But now I don't care. Anyway, when Curve asked me the number I honestly couldn't remember. I started trying to think of all the names of the guys I had slept with and even now I am starting to remember others. So I gave him an estimate of what I could recall and he went off. He called me a liar and started naming other guys. I was like oh yeah him and him okay. But he still accused me of trying to mislead him. Which is ridiculous. If I've told him about them all why would I try to hide some from him suddenly. I did lie about seeing someone new, but I didn't want to tell him about my Sugar Daddy. I did during this convo and look how he acted. I knew he would get mad and that is probably what he is really upset about. It's so stupid. I don't get it. So now he's doesn't want to talk to me.

What is up with these men not wanting to talk to me. Sugar daddy is hiding out. I hadn't texted him or anything for a couple of days and today I asked how he was and called but no answer.

It's amazing to me this double standard, paradoxical manner in which these guys operate. Curve is upset because he feels that I betrayed our friendship, but he has betrayed his wife since they were dating. It's ridiculous. And Sugar daddy with his lies about wanting to reconcile with his wife, but not making any efforts to do so and now trying to slowly sneak off. I hate men.

The only one acting right is the guy I visited last week, I'll call him Radio (after the Cuba Gooding, Jr. character, for various reasons, I won't get into now). But that's only cause I'm a guaranteed fuck for the moment. Plus I think he really likes me. I like him too, but I don't know where this will lead. For now I'm thinking he'll be like a travel buddy. If I feel like going off to Vegas I would call him.

I think I'll be a single mother. Before the blow up, Curve offered his sperm to me. I think that would be a beautiful baby. I'd rather Sug be the father of my child. Those would be some fat child support checks not to mention hush money. LOL! Radio could father my kid, but I'm not sure about the genes. Physically we're good, but mentally...Now you see why I call him Radio. He's not retarded or slow, just simple. Like Overton Wakefield Jones on In Living Single. Not a dumb guy, just approaches life in a concrete way.

Anyway, single motherhood looks more and more attractive everyday. It's more accepted nowadays and I'm not a teenager or on welfare, so who can look down on me for making that decision. Of course I'll wait until I finish school and settle into my career. I just don't see myself entering another long term relationship and marrying anymore.

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