Monday, September 24, 2007

Feeling a little Better

I like Flow. I called him last night and some dude answered his phone saying Flow was asleep. I was put off by that. I was angry at first, because part of me wanted to think that he was avoiding me. He was supposed to call me after he finished his job, but he didn't and now his friend was telling me he was asleep. I just wanted to believe that he was trying to drop me in a really imature way. But this morning I called and he seemed happy to hear from me and told me to call him when I had a break during the day and I did. Tonight I'll wait for him to call me though. His offer is still on the table and he said I could take my time to think about it and that there was no rush. That's so nice. I kinda want to take my time to decide what I'll do about Radio.

Sug is no longer a problem. I wrote him an email about how he's been treating me unfairly. He wrote back saying he would continue to help me out, but that we couldn't be intimate because he and his wife are getting back together. He failed to tell me before that they were separated, but I kinda figured that anyway. He'd better continue to help me, he's made me so miserable and he is clearly a liar. But I have a feeling he is gonna do all he can to keep from giving me anything. I'm just gonna guilt trip him to death. It worked with Curve.

This summer when I went back to my home town for the summer, Curve kept begging to see me. He would say let's meet for dinner this day and let's go to the movies this night. He'd call me on the scheduled day and say "I'm going home to get ready. I'll call you when I'm done." I would go out to his city which was about 30 minutes away just so I'd be around when he would call and he wouldn't have to wait forever to meet me. I'd be out there forever and ever. He would leave his phone in the car, so his wife couldn't check it and therefore he wouldn't answer when I would call. And I would end up going back home. This happened twice and the last time I left him a nasty message about how he's treated me all these years and never given me anything, about how I never denied him unless I had a man and sometimes I'd see him even if I had a man. I just went off. He felt so bad. He told me he would make it up to me and start treating me better. He let me come to his house one night, when his wife was out of town with the kids. We had sex on the beautiful canopy bed in his guest room. He's such an amazing lover. I wish it wasn't so rushed that time, but I had brought a friend over just in case the neighbors were watching, and we didn't want to keep her waiting. She didn't care though. But anyway Curve really loves sex. All men love sex, but he loves the art of lovemaking. He's got every stroke down to a science and it's like he can feel a woman's body giving feedback to his and he responds back with a coinciding change in pace or rhythm or position. It's just awesome. We did it another night in my car. He told his wife he was going out to get condoms and K-Y for them, but we used it for us. That was the last time and the final time I hope. He's still mad at me. I thought more about why. After making him feel guilty about the way he treated me he started giving me money. $100 dollars at a time. He only did this a few times, but he told me he didn't mind helping me because he felt like he owed me. Which he does, for all the years I got second rate treatment. He took me out to dinner once in undergrad. One time. We called each other soulmates, but he only took me out once and never bought me a gift. But anyway, I suppose he is upset that I got this money out of him and made him feel bad, like I was playing him or using him. I was in a way, but I really did feel like he owed me and clearly he felt the same, so...I don't know.

Radio didn't call me last night. I called him twice. He didn't answer. He has some nasty habits though. Drinking and gambling. He plays cards and bets on games and plays the lotto. His excuse is that he's not hurting anybody and he's not doing worse things like killing and robbing. Wooo! I don't like that and if we were seriously dating I wouldn't allow it. But this is just for fun, so he can do what he wants.

Well I miss Flow. I wish I could see him sooner than later. I have 3 image of his face burned in my head. One, when he was in his van looking me up and down and licking his lips. Two, when he was on top of me and his face looked like it was going to burst with pleasure. And Three, after he got out of my car and he looked back at me with a boyish grin and waved. The last is my favorite. I just want to see his beautiful face again.

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