Saturday, September 22, 2007

Stood up again... and maybe again

You know, I am really tired of my reluctant sug. He stood me up again. He said he had to pick up his son and he wasn't sure if he could see me and get back in time to pick him up. I told him family comes first. But the fact is, he shouldn't have been running away from me all this time. So I'm thinking about just letting him go. I have another reason to let him go. Flow!

Yesterday, he asked me about joining his team, ie starting a relationship. He's moving pretty fast with this. I mean I was looking at him as this really hot guy that just wanted to have sex with me, cause maybe I look easy. But now he's telling me that he thinks I'm special and singing songs to me and talking about feeling something for me and fate. It's so strange. I haven't gone there with a guy in over 4 years. So it's difficult for me to even begin to look at him that way. I have forgotten what I look for in a good man. I have forgotten what it feels like when you start to fall in love. I don't remember what I want in a relationship. I have forgotten everything. I just know that at this point, I don't know enough about him to say I definitely want to be his girl. I know that he's absolutely gorgeous. I know that he is moving faster than I am comfortable with. I know that he is a go getter. I do remember that the last time I hurried into a relationship I ended up with an abusive guy. So what to do? What to do? I could go out on a limb and dive in head first. Put my heart out there and be vulnerable. Allow life to teach me another lesson, maybe one that I should have learned already. I don't know.

But what about Radio. Where does that leave him? I mean he's not chop liver to me. He has been kinda getting on my nerves lately, though. But people do that sometimes. I got kinky twist put in my hair today. I told him and he was dissapointed that I had hair added. I explained that I did it because I'm gonna start working out regularly again and it makes it easier to keep my hair looking nice. But he went on this rant about how one day a woman will have short hair and then come out with long hair the next. I feel like this is such an ignorant point of view, because nowadays women aren't really looked down upon for having a weave. Every where you look women are adding hair. I remember one year most of the black women in my program came back from summer break with much longer fuller hair. My mother adds hair because hers is thinning and breaking as she gets older. I wouldn't where tracks, that is just my preference and I don't want to straighten my hair again, but what others choose is for them. Anyway, Radio made me kinda mad with that. I also get tired of him complaining about his second job. Nobody told him to pick up another job. He wanted to so he would have money for his daughter for Christmas and money to spend when he comes to see me. I told him he should determine how much money he needs and then schedule his hours and days according to that, so he won't burn himself out. He was like, "well I don't want to limit how much I can spend. If I say $300, I'll end up spending $500." I was like "then do $500." Cause I doubt he'll spend more than that, and if he does, so what? Too much stress. But enough to drop him? I mean he's working a second job to come see me next month. I can't just be like "I got a man now." MMMMM? Then again he hasn't made a commitment to me. If anyone should be asking me to be his girl at this time, it is Radio. We've been talking since August and I flew up to see him. Hello!

Flow is supposed to come see me tomorrow. He called to tell me that he was doing a floor for a client and he was going to try to finish it before tomorrow. Doesn't sound good. He better not stand me up. That would make twice in one weekend. A girl can only take so much.

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