Thursday, October 25, 2007

It's okay to love

My "big brother" from college is my friend on Myspace. I used to like him alot. He would always give me this wonderful hugs, where he would just envelope my whole body and rub my back down. They would make me melt. But he always saw me as a little sister, so we never went further than hugs. Well I visited him this summer with a couple of friends and he hugged me like he used to. I couldn't help but feel like I should kiss him afterward, but I had to remind myself that's how he hugs and it doesn't mean anything. Then he told me he would take me out to dinner one day. Anyway, today he posted a bulletin on myspace about love. It basically said don't be afraid to love, you will put your heart on the line and you might even get hurt, but to love is to live.

Flow finally stopped being MIA. I called him yesterday and he called me back almost immediately. He was like I told you I would call you when I got back to NC. I was like I didn't hear that. He said he missed me and wanted to see me, but I'm busy with class, so he said maybe this weekend. Doubt it! But anyway, today I called him. We talked briefly. He called me back later and said "I don't want you to commit to me until you love me and you are in love with me. You are far from that." I asked him by "far" did he mean time or quality. He said he hadn't analyzed it that much. I was like oh okay.

Sug didn't come over yesterday. He was busy in court and couldn't get away. I really didn't want to see him either. And I don't want to see him next week, though I kinda told him I would. Even though Flow doesn't want me to commit 'til I fall in love, I am starting to commit. I am slowly purging the other men out of my life to make way for him. He is getting to my heart. I am scared though. I don't want to get my heart broken. I fear that above many things. I think about my "big brother's" bulletin on Myspace and it makes me rethink it all. If I let go and love, I will not regret it because I lived.

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