Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Thrown for a loop

Flow said to me last night, "I sense some doubt from you." I don't even remember what we were talking about. But I responded, "Yeah I do have some doubts." He immediately went off. "That's something you can't change. That's something I won't deal with. If that is how you really feel about me then I guess this is it. It was nice knowing you." And with that he hung up. I was pissed. He didn't even ask me what I meant. I was talking about believing that this guy really likes me for me and wants me to fall in love with him. Doubts about being in a relationship this soon. Doubts that he hasn't lied to me about something.

I called him back. He answered after the second time. "Are you kidding me?" I couldn't believe him. I felt like he was trying to find an easy out. He was done with me and didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore, now that he got what he wanted. I was pissed with him. I explained to him what I meant. He told me that his past girl had trust issues and he didn't want to deal with that with us. He cited when I asked to see his license or said he might be a serial killer. I explained to him that I was a single black women living on my own and I have to be careful. He seemed to understand. I told him I thought he was trying to break my heart. He said, "The only way you get your heart broken is if you are in love. How do you feel about me?" This was so weird, cause just a few minutes before he was ready to end all communication with me, but suddenly he wanted to know if I loved him. I told him I cared about him alot. I said it takes time to build love and I want to get to know him more. He's special. I feel like he put a spell on me cause I shouldn't have feelings like this, at this point. He said, "i'm original. I'm not like anybody else. As long as things are going good I'm fine. But as soon as this is a headache, I'm done. I don't like drama." I told him I don't like drama either. I felt like he was trying to flip things. So I said, "If you really feel like I'm full of drama or either need to get to know me better or you just feel that way and your wrong." He responded, "Well I guess I'll just have to get to know you."

He definitely tried to flip things on me. I think I salvaged myself at the end, by forcing him to take some of the responsibility. He wants my trust bad and I don't know why. This was a desperate atempt to get it. It makes me more weary of him. I mean he could be a desperate romantic or anxious to get me to a point were he can manipulate me easier. Part of me says either way I don't need to be with him. But another part says, he's human. He's afraid of getting hurt too. He's just a little more vocal about it and not willing to comprimise for happiness.

I don't know what to do.

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