Saturday, November 24, 2007

What to do...What to do...

Some women keeps calling me from Flow's home town. The first time she called it was like 7am. She asked for Sylvia. I had a feeling she really wanted to ask if I knew Flow. After that she started calling me from a retricted number. I anwered once but no one said anything. Today she left a message saying that she needed to talk to me about a mutual friend of ours and that it was very important that I call her back. I really don't want to call her right now. I need to talk to Flow first, but he has been MIA since the day before Thanksgiving. I guess this is his wife, girlfriend, baby mama, case manager, or parole officer. Could even be his sister or great aunt or something. I don't know. All I know is that I need to talk to Flow and give him a chance to tell me what's going on.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

My Man

I love Flow so much. I went to Charlotte Saturday to see Flow. It didn't start out all that great. He was with his cousin getting his van worked on. Once I got to Charlotte he wasn't able to meet me right away. He had me meet him about an hour after I got there, in the projects where his cousing lived. he sat talking to his cousin for another hour, smoking and drinking beer. I sat in my car, talking to my friend on the phone, spilling the details of this crazy encounter. He called me over to the car, so I could meet his cousin. He also took the time to show me his receipts and contracts for his work, to let me know he was legit I suppose. Then he gave me a copy of a cd by one of the artists he manages and asked me to got listen to it while he finished up with his cousin. After about 15 minutes they started looking like they were about to leave. He put his bag in my car. But then he was like, "I'm going to smoke a little more" So I sat there for another 10 minutes and talked to my friend on the phone. Finally he stepped in my car.

He directed me to where we were going. We were heading toward the Ramada, but then he asked me if I was hungry. I was like "Yes!!!" I thought he'd never ask. So we went to this bar and got drinks and food. We toasted to our first date. He said he felt privledged being next to me. Then he started singing to me freestyle. I thought it was so cute and sweet. We talked about various things. He said one of his buddies wanted him to get into selling weed. I told him he didn't have to do that. He has a legitamite non-illegal way of making money, no need to do that. I'm sure he would make lots of money. Then we discussed how we believe marijuana should be legalized. He ended up telling me that he wanted to take me around the world and basically he was offering me alot. I was like I'm so lucky. We got our tab and he showed it to me and threw down a $100 bill. I was like wow great.

So we ended up not going to Ramada, probably because I was a little more than tipsy and couldn't drive. Somehow my head got in his lap and we ended up at the Garden Inn and Suites. He gave me another $100 bill and I got a room while he parked. The hotel was about half a star up from where we had stayed before. I guess I moved up in his world. That's nice.

Flow is the best. I really love him.

Sug called me Friday night. I have no idea why. I really wanted to be like leave me alone, but I am way too nice. He asked if he could check on me sometime. I told him yeah. He asked if he could come see me. I said no. We are over as far as I am concerned. I'm sure he won't call again. The cheap DVD player he bought me broke, so I returned it.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Intoxicated

Flow said those three words a girl longs to hear. He said, "I love you" on the phone tonight. I'm pretty elated right now. I feel like running around outside and singing an improv broadway tune/disney movie theme song that would go something like this: "He said 'I love you' 'I love you' 'I love you' Those three words a womans heart longs to know. 'I love you' 'I love you' 'I love you' A phrase that causes a girls face to glow, when she gives her all to a man and he turns to her and says 'I love you' 'I love you' 'I love you.' That's what he said" Flutes, violins, horns. In come the animated birds and butterflies whistling and fluttering. aaaah! so beautiful. so free.

I left him a message like two days ago singing him this Chaka Khan song called "Stay". I actually sang the version by Erykah Badu. He loved it. I felt he needed to hear that song and know that I'm here for him, I know life can be hard and things get tough but with the good Lord guiding our steps life will turn out beautiful for us. That's what I believe the song is about. I think it made him feel better about the whole thing with my sister and with the different issues he faces from time to time.

Yeah, I'm gonna marry him. I am. or maybe I'll eat my words and wish I'd listened to my sister. Either way, I'm still going to be happy right now! WOOOOO!

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Family

So I talked to my sister about Flow. I told her that I'm developing strong feelings for him. She's not happy. She never is happy when I tell her good news. Sharing in your happiness is an after thought for her. First she has to ask you a series of questions to prove that you really shouldn't be happy. So she asked me a bunch of questions about Flow. I was able to answer the majority of them, but when she started asking about his ex wife and child I didn't want to share what he's told me and he hasn't discussed the details of his marriage with me. I let her know that she really didn't need to know anything about that. She said I can't possibly have feelings for someone when I don't know anything about them. So because I couldn't answer one thing about him I don't know anything about him. I told her I'm still getting to know him. I don't have to know every detail of a person's past inorder to have feelings for them. I told her it's okay to got with your heart and do what you want and what makes you happy. Sure you risk making mistakes and getting your heart broken. That is life. That is how you grow up to be an old wise person. Why should I be sheltered from that? Why should I be different from anyone else?
My sister is the type of person that feels like she has figured life out. We look at and respond to life very differently. She is 13 years older than me so she does have a lot to share. But honestly she got pregnant as a teen, had an abortion, and then got pregnant right out of college and married her babies father. I've gotten all the way to graduate school without once getting pregnant and not getting married, so I really feel like we've lived our lives differently. She has acknowledged that I am smarter than she was at my age.
She regrets alot of her life. It's difficult for her to get passed her past. I've always been resilient. If I go through something or make a mistake, I get over it and move on, learn what I can. By the next year I might remember what happen but I don't let it cause me anguish. My sister does. She still hasn't gotten over the fact that our dad disciplined us with switches and belts and sometimes we got in trouble for things we didn't even do. Our dad wouldn't give us a chance to explain why we did the wrong thing. It didn't matter to him. My brother and I turned out fine cause we just got over it. We know that pratically everyone shares the same story and that it has benefited us in some way. My dad kept the house in order and kept us out of major trouble. My sister never got over that and she has chosen to raise her kids differently. I don't know how much her approach to life has helped. Honestly I don't think it's helped her at all. Two of her children are on psychotropic drugs and I really get the sense that she is the antagonist of the family.
Anyway, Flow and I were talking last night. I told him about my sister. She was making me second guess my feelings. He said I can't be coached through life and I have to make my own decisions and experience life and learn on my own. He told me to take time to think about how I really feel and what I really want. We hung up and I laid in the bed thinking I don't need time to think about it. I know how I feel and I know what I want. I try to tell my sister to let me live, but she doesn't listen. But ultimately I must do what I want and what I feel is right. So I called Flow back and I told him this. And he was glad to hear that. He sang me this Tony Toni Tone song "whatever you want". He asked how I knew I loved him. I told him cause it feels right. Everything is falling into place and it feels right with the universe. I know he'll take care of me, protect me, and keep me happy. He doesn't have to say it. I feel it. I feel like I'm exactly the woman he needs and that I would fit his lifestyle quite well. He wants to marry me. We have things to discuss before that happens, but I know that's where we're headed. I'm happy. Things are very good with us.

Friday, November 2, 2007

That's gonna be my man

I went to see Flow in his home town yesterday. I semi-surprised him. He told me I should come that night and I showed up in the morning. I met him at the hotel and we played around for a couple of hours. He left and told me he would come back later that night after he finished working on a couple of home imporvement projects. Well the hours went by and he still hadn't showed up at 11:45 pm. I was getting mad and decided to go to sleep, but couldn't. I started to cry. I was angry with him. Then my phone rang. It was him. He asked me to come out to the house he was working on.

I drove out to see him. He introduced me to his workers. He let me follow him around while he directed things and put in laminate floors. I thought it was so neat. I even helped him a bit. He worked until 3 am. I feel bad becuase I left with out saying goodbye to him. I thought he was going to come to the hotel. But he never came out and he didn't call. I was so happy that he invited me to see him work, that I didn't get too mad at him for that. He and I were both tired and needed our sleep.

Flow has the prettiest eyes. They are greenish gray and fun to stare into deeply. He's so gentle with his kisses and his touches. I am really feeling him.

I was talking to Radio today. I told him my sister has "psychosocial" issues. He laughed. I think he just had no idea what I meant. He was like "No one has ever used that word before. I'm learning from you. I love to learn new things, whether its words or definitions or technology." I just thought "wow" He didn't even ask what the issues were. We couldn't even get into that cause he couldn't get pass the "new" word.