Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Exit Flow

I got a text message from Flow yesterday afternoon: "Hello, Call me" So I did. I wish I hadn't. At first he acted like he just wanted to say hi. Then he says, "I want some and I don't know what to do." I asked him if he had any ideas. He said, "No, do you want some?" I told him I just wanted to see him and if I got some in the meantime that would be great. He said, "You don't seem to excited." Well I'm not. I was a little hesitant. I was scared. What if he's setting me up. He could have spent this time away plotting a plan against me. He had to get off the phone and said he would call me back. I waited a while and decided to call to see if he wanted to meet that night. He said tomorrow(today) would be better. Then he asked me the weirdest question out of the blue. "Where'd you get money from?" I stuttered. I had told him last week that I didn't have any money. I didn't want to tell him I had gotten money from Curve. I said, "Um, I have a little money." The line went dead. I thought maybe we lost the signal. But on multiple attempts to call him back, I failed to reach him. He didn't call me.

So "No more". Curve was right. Flow is ghetto and so are all the people dealing with him. That's not me. I grew up in the country and the suburbs. Ghetto mentality is different from where I grew up. We live by a different code in the burbs. I hate to say a higher code, because the values they hold are a result of their environment. In the ghetto, it's okay to lie to keep people out of your business. It's okay to steal. It's okay to buy cheap stolen goods. It's okay to carry a weapon. It's okay to fight for pride. It's okay to spread your seed around and father lots of kids. It's okay to have a baby at 15. It's common place. Sure there are exceptions but for the most part that's how it is.

Anyway, I can't deal with Flow anymore. There are 3 guys in my hometown waiting for me to get back there for winter break, so I don't have to sit here and deal with his bullshit. He's going to have to come with something different if he wants to be with me.

The 3 guys: Curve, Hugz, and Jokes
you already know Curve.

Hugz is my big brother from college. All freshman are adopted by a big brother or sister. Ususally they pick you after meeting you in class, at a jam or cabaret, or in the cafe. They take you to Walmart and to the parties, buy you alcohol, etc. Often you end up eventually sleeping with them. But Hugz was different. I picked him as my big brother and we never slept together. I did have a huge crush on him though. I remember the first time I saw him in the cafeteria during pre-college. He was such a hottie. I couldn't stop staring at him. A beautiful girl with long hair, in full make up and wearing a cute suit, walked over to his table and gave him a hug. They talked a bit and then she left to get her food. He turned to his friend and said, "She is fine." His friend agreed. After that, I knew he would never be into me. I was this akward teenage girl and that "fine" girl looked like a well put together woman. Besides he didn't even notice me in the cafe.

My best friends in pre-college got around a little better than I did and they had met a couple of big brothers for us to hang with, so we did. We made plans to go to the Omega Psi Phi "Q" cabaret. We were to meet at one of my friends dorms and ride with one of their big brothers and his friends. I was wearing a short black skirt and cute top. A little black car pulled up infront of the dorm. We all looked to see if it was my friends big brother. In the passenger seat I recognized the guy from the cafeteria. I began to get butterflies. "That's him. How are we all gonna get in there? I'm sitting in the back.", my friend called out. I couldn't believe it. I was going to get to meet that hottie from the cafe. All the other girls scrambled into the back seat. I had no choice but to sit in the front in the hottie's lap. I wasn't mad though, I was in heaven. We introduced ourselves and I thanked him for lettting me sit in his lap and being such a gentleman. At the cabaret we danced together but of course he danced with lots of different girls. As the summer went on I learned more about him. I talked to him on the phone, asked him to be my big brother. He was so nice and always a gentleman. But the weird thing was whenever I saw him around campus or at parties, it seemed like he would hug me the longest. It wasn't my imagination. I would watch as he hugged everyone else and it wasn't the same. So that's why I'm calling him hugs. I confessed my like to Hugz once in college and he just said, "oh your very sexy and beautiful but we're just friends." I was dissapointed but it was okay. I just wanted him to stop giving me those long caressing hugs, it was confusing. There was a running joke that he didn't have a scrotum because he never slept with any girls and never had a girlfriend, even though girls were always after him. But he's dated girls that I found out about. Apparently he's very romantic and kinda worships the woman he's with.

So after school I hooked back up with Hugz on myspace. We talk on there every once in a while. He's a salesman and has an internet business (whatever that means). This summer I went to his house with a couple of friends. One knew him through me. He served us salsa and chips and soda, and we listened to music. Then he practiced his sales pitch for a new product. It was cute. When we left, he did it again, just like old time. The long slow hug. This time he looked me in the eyes all sexy and wrapped his arms around my waiste. I put my arms around his neck, cause that just seemed natural and next thing I knew I was fighting the urge to start making out with him. He went to hug everyone else and they were no where near as intimate and long as mine. There he goes again. Well recently he emailed me and asked to take me to dinner, so that's what we're planning to do while I'm home during the break.

I'll talk about Jokes another time.

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