Well Tomorrow is the big V-Day. This is the first time that I'll be single on Valentine's Day in 5 years. Even the year before that I had a Valentine. But this year, wouldn't you know I don't have one. Isn't that completely fucked up? Yeah I know. Well I do have plans. I'm going to a fashion show and going to dinner with my best girlfriend at school and her brother. So I guess it won't be too bad. With all this Papi Chulo revisiting, I'm wondering who he'll decide to spend it with. I'm sure he has plenty of choices, the little Punk! Kiss my Ass Papi! You've done it before!
More Papi Chulo Revisited...
PC Part IX
Monday, January 7, 2007
School is starting back up on Wednesday. I am looking forward to it because I am so bored. I have work I should get done soon, but I've been procrastinating. Not a good thing.
Papi Chulo and I have been painting the town red. He drove back from Miami early and got back yesterday. Some crazy stuff was going on down there shootings, stabings. He decided he didn't want to be involved with people like that and left. The promoter for a popular DJ down there wants him to perform at his party and help start a radio station here. I think it's so wonderful. If he stays focused he could have alot.
He called me this morning and asked if I wanted to get some studio equipment. He said he would buy it, but I told him he didn't have to. It's so weird. Sometimes I feel like he wants love so much that he has just fallen in love with me, but at the same time he's trying not to fall in love with me. He was crying on the phone to me after he got back from Miami, because his ex girlfriend called saying her mother kicked her out and she's going to have to go to a shelter. He was thinking of letting her come back and stay with him, but he doesn't want to deal with the same old girl. They had a bad argument and she told him that she wished he would die. I tried to talk to him about it I was afraid his mood was going to ruin our night. But ultimately a talk with his best friend/cousin did the trick. He told me he's always gonna love her and wishes she would get better. I know it's a possibility that he'll return to her. If she does wake up and do what she needs to do to get her life on track, he'll be with her. He's never been in a relationship that long. He says relationships before only lasted 1 month or so. This was 2 years. I tried to tell him I know how he feels but he doesn't believe it. I spent the night with him to keep him company. He didn't want to be alone.
Anyway, he was feeling better today and we road around town again, running his little errands. I got a weird feeling today. I felt for a second like he might be telling others that he's playing me. That he is pretending to love me just so he can have a pretty lady on his arm and in his bed, boost his ego a bit. He might even try to get me to buy him something. He did ask if I would buy him a laptop. I told him maybe. I just don't want to get played.
I wish we could have more time together though. He always says "I wish I could spend every night with you", but he doesn't do it, even when he can. Like tonight. He went out with his buddy and now he's going home. He told me to call him at 7am cause he has an appt at 8am. I suppose because he has to get up early he wants to get plenty of sleep, but still. This could be the last night, since I'll be starting school. He says he's going to be busy also. He senses I'm a little unhappy. I am just because I don't know if I have the ability to make him completely happy. And I'm scared. I'm scared to be in love again. I want to make sure this is really the person I want to be with before I just commit my whole heart and invest myself. I want to make sure he believes I am the person. I am not convinced of that.
PC Part X
Can't Take No More
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Last night papi chulo, his cousin, and I hung out. He paid for everything that night. I don't think that was the plan though. I was driving. His phone rang. He let it go to the voice mail. He checked his voice mail. He called the person back. He tried to talk quietly but I could easily hear him over the music. He was definitedly talking to a chick. I could tell by his tone. Then he started speaking in spanish. La manana, then something else that I didn't understand. That really pissed me off. Me and Chulo have an understanding. We aren't in a relationship and we can see other people, but who the hell wants to have that shit in their face. No one. He could of called her later or messaged her. But instead he puts that shit in my face, like look I'm talking to some other bitch. And had the nerve to talk to her in spanish like I wouldn't know what the hell he was saying, like I'm just a stupid bitch. I don't like that. It's straight disrespectful.
So I didn't say anything, but I started thinking about everything. How I was driving and he wanted me to buy drinks and how I bought sexy lingerie for him and how he told me early that night that he wasn't feeling really affectionate claiming it wasn't me just him and how when we had sex that Wednesday neither one of us was really feeling it, then I started thinking maybe he's jerking me around and he's definitely fucking some other bitch. I got mad and I started driving really fast. He started yelling at me to slow down, then he was like take me home I don't want to deal with this. He asked his cousin if he would drive, but his cousin had been smoking and drinking so that was a no go. Chulo said he couldn't wait to get his license back so he could have control. I asked him if that was the real reason he was mad, because he doesn't have any control over my driving. He kind of hesitated as if he was thinking to himself maybe that is why, but he was like no. Then he told me I could drive. I apologized for speeding and scaring everyone in the car. The rest of the night he was really nice to me and paid for everything. I was like ooo I should go off more often.
well he hasn't called me all day, so I'm just like over him now. He accidently left his miami show cd in my car. He can easily make another one though, so it's not that big of a deal. But I doubt he'll call me after last night and I don't plan on calling him anymore. He fucked up with that phone call. And now there are messages on his page from Tuesday that I don't recall seeing before Friday. The messages said "Can't wait to see you either. Ur so sweet." So he basically didn't want me to see the comments before, but now doesn't care. That's fine. He's fucked up. I'm over him now. Wait...
All this fucking talk about let's get a house, let's get married, i love you so much, let's get tatoos, i'm not fucking anybody else, I guess that changed this week. I washed his fucking dishes, slept next to his dogs (I hate dogs), helped him create his miami show, looked up shit on the internet for him, tried to be there for him in all ways, drove him and his friend around, let him borrow money, listen to him cry on the phone about his lonliness and his crazy girlfriend, HE's FUCKED UP! Now I'm over him.
I'm gonna rest on the men for a while.
Papi Chulo Revisited to be continued...