Monday, February 18, 2008

Papi Chulo Revisited Quatre

Nothing is happening, which I guess is good since I have a couple of papers to write this week. Burbs went missing again, which is not good. The positive energy I was feeling from him is really seeping away. I don't know if I can be excited about talking to him anymore.

So here's more Papi Culo Revisited. Sorry there's no date on the 1st one. I just don't feel like trying to figure it out. The second one starts out weird. In another post before that, I said Papi didn't answer my email the way I would have wanted him to. I also stated he was gonna end up calling me like they always do. I can't find this entry. I probably completely erased it after "the incident". boohoo!

I am weak
Yeah I wrote Papi Chulo. I am ashamed to even say. But I was having a very weak moment and I decided to write him this semi-long email about how much I missed him. Yeah I was missing him for that one moment. I mean, I have been missing him. He's crazy but I like him. Besides there are no other options right now. I did see a cute guy running pass the bus stop today. But I don't pick up guys off the street. Internet only! LOL! But if he had tried to talk to me I would have given him my number.

Really the only guy that I could potentially forget Papi Chulo for would be this pediatric resident in my program. He is asian. Filipino I think, but I'm not sure. Maybe Cambodian or Laotian for all I know, but I do definitely know he's cute and funny. We've hung out before, in a group actually, watching boxing, at a bar. We sat next to each other and joked about everything. We have the same sense of humor. It was great. He's one of those men that would be really respectful and I'd make him wait until we're married to have sex. But honestly, he would probably never be in a serious relationship with me, cause besides our sense of humor we're very different people.

Don't Get Mad Get Glad
Monday, January 28, 2008
What did I tell you? Papi Chulo called today. I was in class. So I had to call him back. He at times. I just don't get him. He's mad at me, well he says he's not mad at me, but he told me I was acting like a ho, which is what people who are mad at you sometimes say to indicate they're mad at you.

He was trying to give me advice on my money situation. Which I appreciate, but then he asked me if I'd slept with anyone. I tried to lie, but I'm not a good liar, so he saw through it (or heard through it rather). So he responded, "I'm not mad. I just know that you can't be my girlfriend." Scrrrrreeeeech! Um that was apparent to me a few days back, which is why I slept with someone else, but you are now just getting the news flash? I mean sure I'd like to be Papi's main squeeze, but one problem. The side squeezes that he doesn't hide from public view or from me. The blatant disrepect. You think I'd deal with that humiliation. I'm sure some comments are gonna pop up now from like 2 weeks ago on his myspace with some girl saying "I'll come over tomorrow Papi", just like last time. He is so frustrating. So then when I'm like "well did you sleep with anyone?" (over these past couple of weeks that you refused to maintain contact with me) He's like "that's not the question. don't try to switch things up." Uhm, I'm not trying to switch things up and I have the right to know. When he finally decided to answer. He lied and said no. He told me he had been tired and didn't even want to have sex. He explained that it's too much work to sleep with other girls, because you have to pretend to be their man, etc. Come on Papi. You've never had trouble sleeping with different women before. You think I'm stupid. That's why I can't be your girlfriend. I don't get him. Then he starts telling me I said things that I haven't said, like 'I'm mad at him for not committing to me.' Never said that. He was like, "Not in those exact words." I was like "Oh so your assuming that's what I was saying." He said he would send me the emails. I'm thinking he's confusing me with some other girl which he's done before. I think he realized this and droped it. Then he was like, "You aren't patient enough. I do this with girls. I leave them alone for a while and if they haven't slept with anyone then I know they can handle being my girl, but if they have then I can't be with them." I guess I'm supposed to feel bad because I didn't pass the test. Truth is, I kinda do, but at the same time I know that I could never have been Papi's girl.

Well Papi called me back and now I feel really bad. He actually was being really nice to me and giving me advice and critique that made sense. I learned about support networks and social support in one of my courses. He would fit under Appraisal support and maybe Instrumental support. I feel like the kidnapped woman who starts to identify with her kidnapper. Oh well. We're supposed to be good friends now. I can be his good friend. It's fine.

I text messaged Flow earlier today. When we were together this weekend, he told me he wants to take a trip to Vegas. He didn't really ask me to go, but I thought about it this morning and asked if he wanted to take me to Vegas with him. He said yes. but then when I tried to call him, I got no answer. So I'm thinking his damn friend is butting in again.

I'm gonna go work out. I plan to lose about 15lbs and get back to my high school weight. Back then I could fit into a size 6 depending on the cut. Now I think I could probably fit into a 10 at that weight.

Papi Chulo Revisited to be continued....

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