Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Reflecting: Snitches, Double Entendres, and Labels (PC the Finale)
To my loyal readers: I am back up and running. Had a little set back there. Lots to update on. I had to get rid of over 16 entries about a particular person I was involved with. He found out about it and didn't appreciate me telling his business. It's my fault though. I got mad at him and sent the blog to a couple of his female friends on myspace. That was mean of me. But at the time, I really felt he deserved it after he dogged me like he did. But his name nor picture is associated with my blog anymore. I apologized and promised to leave him alone, so he should be cool now. I can continue blogging and he can go on doing whatever he does.
I wanted one girl in particular to join my myspace, the one I believed he was fucking. She'd been leaving comments on his page, trying hard to get his attention while we were heavy in our thing. When I started back school, he took that time to get at her. At the time, I was only assuming (as he would call it) all of this. He kept deleting her comments, so I couldn't bring it up. He would just be like "What comments? There's nothing there. Why are you looking at my page anyway?" But after I got her to join my myspace, I got my answer from his comments on her page. He definitely was doing more than talking. I also confirmed that she was a fugly ass ho like I thought. 50% (rough estimate) of the girls that put their breasts or their asses or their bodies as their main pic, are ugly ass hoes. And she's one of them. I can't believe he stopped fucking me to fuck such an ugly dirty ass bitch. I could understand the other female I tried to get to join, who was gonna "stop thru" his crib "after she caught up on things". She shows her face in her pick and she's very pretty and a much classier broad than old fug face. I can't believe he even fucked her in close proximity to fucking me. God, I just threw up a little. She's a blatant freak, anyone can tell by her page. Some girls want the world to know. I thought he had more discretion than that. I definitely should have. If I'd know he was the way he is, I would've just stuck to my initial response to him, which was "No thanks". But no, I had to give in to his pleas. Shoulda known.
I'm gonna get an HIV test in 2 months after my potential antibodies are detectable. I'll be mad if I got some nasty STD because he wanted to mix me up with that nasty ho. I have to be more choosy in the future. I bet his nasty cold was a throat infection from eating her pussy. Oh God! I'm glad we stopped fucking. I don't want to contract nasty ho throat disease from kissing some dude that was eating a dirty ass broad. It's so clear now. God works in mysterious ways.
I still don't get why he erased her messages though. I suppose to hide them from me, but why do that. Just tell me don't keep me hanging on. That's what pissed me off. Of course he continued to claim, even after all this, that she is just a friend (yeah right) and he never fucked her. Finger to the cheek, pointing to the eye, and giving him a side eye right about...now. A little french gesture I learned in middle school. Basically means I'm not believing you. What's the point of continuing to lie? Actually, I would have done the same. I've done the same. It's important to maintain your innocence, that way you always look like an angel and your ex can look back and say well she never cheated, she was good to me.
He probably told her that everything I wrote was a lie and that I'm a stalker. And she probably believed him, dumb bitch. But if he called me a stalker, I could call him a predator. The predator that sought me out on the internet, checked out all my pictures, fantasized about being with me, convinced me to meet him in the middle of the night to have sex, told me he loved me, wanted to marry me, wanted to have kids with me, wanted to live with me, wanted me around, used me to drive around, get quick cash loans, and then left me high and dry for the next flavor of the month. I mean that is what predators do, right. But if I want to be REAL, we are neither of those things. We are just two people who want so badly to feel loved that we'll do anything for it. Even so called "stalk" or "prey".
And maybe I shouldn't label that snitch a dumb bitch or dirty ho. I mean she just wants to be appreciated and she uses her body to get that appreciation. I've done the same in my lifetime. And of course she's gonna snitch and believe him because that's how you get trust, respect, and appreciation. Even if it is fleeting and superficial. It's enough to make you happy for the time being. Sometimes it's okay to live in the moment. Many times it's not.
He left me with a nice souvenier/parting gift. Not much of a gift since I stayed up until 4 am helping him make it. I should have charged him for my time, but i exchanged my time for what I perceived as unyielding trust, respect, and appreciation. And I earned it. After that long night, he let me fill out some forms with his personal business information like I was his personal assistant. But alas, the trust was fleeting and superficial. Maybe I'll label the souvenier and pass it to my cousin...Naaaa. I'll leave it alone and move on.