Friday, May 30, 2008

Well Well

I decided to invite a few women to my blog. We all have one thing in common. We know Skittles. One was Skittles's newest baby mama. I did some investigating and found her on myspace, after Skittles told me about his twins. But I didn't have any desire to contact her until now. He deleted alot of his friends, but I sent invites to the ones that I thought would be interested anyway. He kept one new friend from Panama City so you know I definitely sent her an invite, just in case he had pegged her as his next victim. I don't know what I thought would happen. I was just hoping I wasn't sending it to all his #1 groupies like I did with Papi.

Skittles called me this evening. I was watching Baby Mama at the theater so I couldn't answer. I decided to take myself out on a date. Of course I picked a movie that had been out for a while, so not too many people would see me looking really lame by myself. Anyway, Skittles left a message saying I was being childish for leaving comments on his slideshow and talking to people. I just laughed. What does he want an apology? I thought about calling him back, but I was like "No I am totally through with him. There is no need and I don't care how he feels right now." So I didn't call him. But I was curious to know what he meant by "talking to people".

Then I get home and check my email and what do you know? I have the following comment on my blog from Skittles's newest baby mama:

First let me start by saying you can NEVER believe everything a man tells you. You may like that person alot, want to grow with that person but never believe that person to the extent of feeling hopeless.

Yes I am pregnant with twins. I did go out the Flordia 3 times to see Skittles as you call him. We had a wonderful time and as we both know the sex is the BOMB...I'm still pregnant because he asked me to keep the babies. He said he would not feel right having his long time LOVE kill his babies. I knew about you and I excepted you because I was not there. He was planning on moving to ATL because I'm moving out there next month. And baby girl he always says FUCK off because he has issues. But, if for 1 minute you think you were the only woman he was FUCKING your wrong, It's you and 2 other woman and the reason for that (per his excuse) is that he didn't want to get attached to any woman because he want to be with me.

I'm not here to throw anything in your face nor am I here to hurt you it's apparent you wanted to know the other side to the story so I'm telling you. 1st let me start by saying NEITHER one of us can be with him fully because he is married. I met XXXXX in high school (18 years ago). we lost contact both got married and moved on. In November last year I found him on Myspace and we started talking, because I thought we were a couple..Ha Ha and our relationship has been off and on, me being in the hospital all the time and him doing his thang..but never did I know he didn't want to be with me nor did I know you were in a relationship..The time you were in ATL with him I was in the hospital getting ready to have my girls early and he never answered the phone(that's my problem). I just want you to know what kind of man you want to spend the rest of your life with..

To answer your questions yes there are black XXXXX's and I am pregnant with twins.

Please, listen to me when I say this...YES!! I am hurt and pissed right about now but he is not my world and he can not dictate my feelings about me.. You are a beautiful youg lady and you don't need a MAN to validate who and what you are..Enjoy life to the fullest and be you...

In about 2 hours you can have him and the last thing you have to worry about is me cause he will NOT be in my life of my daughters.

Take care and I wish you the best of luck..

May 30, 2008 7:36 PM


This is a nice close to this chapter. I am definitely not going to be dealing with Skittles again.

All of this has made me reevaluate things. I need to go back to my old picky ways and listen to my gut. No more relationships with men who don't meet the standards. I won't give them a chance to lie to me and get in my heart. I'm just gonna stick to my bread and butter men, Hugz (to fulfill my teen dreams), Jokes (cause I known him forever and he always looks out for me), Das Weiner (cause I really want to go to AZ and he has a massive schlong), and Curve (cause he's my soulmate, I can't get rid of him, and his nosey butt reads my blog).

Hey Curve! Love Ya!

Revenge is a dish best served cold

I just spent the last few minutes, okay hours, posting mean comments on Skittles's slideshow and guestbook on his myspace page. He erased them and privated his page. Spoil Sport! I am very angry. This is like Flow part III or sugar daddy part IV.

I'm sure he wanted to chill with some other chick(s) and get rid of me. How low can you go? He went to Panama City for Memorial Day. He didn't even call me the whole time he was there. Probably because he was with some chick. He also told me that he spent the night in jail when he came back from ATL, but I bet he spent the night with another woman. Joker! And all these nights when he says he's at the club alone, he is probably taking other women home.

Tell me, why would you say that you really want to be with a person when all you really want is to fuck them. We are all adults. Just say what you really want. We can negotiate. He's fucked up. How can you have a daughter and not even care to meet her until she's 8 and has a new daddy, a real daddy? Well hopefully he has better luck with his alleged twins on the way. I don't even think I believe that anymore.

I've decided I'm gonna fuck Hugz. I've wanted him since college, now my teenage dreams can come true. And I'm gonna enjoy it. It's gonna be like totally wonderful. And I can start shaving again. Skittles liked hair. I prefer none or only a little. LOL!

Thursday, May 29, 2008

So Gone Over You

Well that's the end of Skittles, the lamo limo driver/ex-con/current liar/wanna be rapper from Florida. He broke up with me in such a lame way. Over the YIM. Can you believe? I would give details but there really aren't any to give. I got mad at him for joking around about wanting to kill himself to mock me. And after that we just couldn't get along. Today he was like you don't want to talk to me, then fuck you. And that was it. Well good riddens!!

The Ex I hate wants to have sex with me. I might as well go ahead. I doubt I'll have any better luck with men.

I've been in touch with my most recent ex. He is finishing up his master's in medical physics and he has a big job interview for a hospital in my hometown. I am so stupid for leaving him. I went to visit over Mother's Day weekend, cause I wanted him to see how much weight I lost. He said I looked good. But I doubt he'll take me back. He is probably like thank God I don't have to deal with her crazy ass anymore.

Skittles is a big fat loser. Papi is a loser. Flow is a loser. Oh yeah Skittles said he heard about Flow through some kinda grapevine that I wasn't aware existed. The world is just too small for me. Hugz is a loser. I sent him a text message like "I wish you were mine." He was like "Oh you will find someone better than me someday." Loser! He could at least pretend he is interested in me behind heavy petting on a Sunday night. Arrrrgg!

I just can't seem to get it together. I still want to quit school. I am going to...I don't even know. I thought about trying to get my ex back since he's gonna be working now. But that seems pretty lame. Das Weiner wants me to visit him in AZ. I think I will, now that I am single again and back on the prowl (thanks for the anthem Trina.)

All men please kiss my ass! Thank You!

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Patience

I've been sitting in the same spot in my living room recliner for the past 5 hours. I've gotten up to eat and pee. Why? I've been waiting. I've been waiting for this pain in my chest to go away. I've had it since Saturday night, after Skittles and I went go-kart racing in ATL. We went to KFC. I ordered the hot wings and as I was eating them I could feel the bolus of food slowly working it's way down my esophagus to my stomach. It was an uncomfortable, and somewhat painful feeling, but went away a few hours after I took some Pepto Bismal. Today I've had the same problem and it makes me not want to eat anymore. I'm going to have to go to the doctor about this if it doesn't stop tomorrow. I don't need to lose anymore weight.

I think I stated before that I wanted to get back down to my high school size. Well I am pretty much there. My depression helped. It took my appetite and for a couple of weeks I was only eating once or twice a day. And I wouldn't eat much. I wouldn't recommend that as a diet strategy. I thought once I got on the medication and started eating again I'd gain lots of weight back, but so far I've just kept losing.

My fear is that I've developed some type of stricture in my esophagus. I've had GERD for like 2 years. It started when I contracted a stomach bug druing my pediatrics rotation back in 2006. It was awful. I couldn't keep anything down and I had watery diarrhea. After that I started getting really bad heartburn a couple of times a week. I took over the counter proton pump inhibitors's, but I would always forget to finish the package. So I started taking the PPI/antacid chewable tabs. Those helped, but they are expensive, so I didn't use them consistantly.

Well, here I am, having not properly treated my GERD, now waiting for my chest pain to go away. It might have to stay all night. I want to lay down, but I know that the pain will become nausea. I wish I had some lidocaine and a long sterile tube. LOL!

Skittles and I met in ATL again. We went to an amusment park and did go-karts and bumper cars. Skittles is so impatient and he has a horrible sense of direction. So much so, that I wonder how he has made it this far in life. We were laying in the bed after a love-making session and he goes, "I wonder if they have bumper cars around here." I say, "I don't know. Maybe we can look it up on the internet." He says, "I doubt it." I think to myself, "Hello the internet is the ultimate source of information. Are you crazy?" I just get up and start plugging up my computer. Skittles says, "Well you can probably find it in the phone book faster." I think to myself, "You sound like my dad. So pre-WWW." But I grab the phonebook anyway, while I waited for my computer to start up. One question though, where would you find bumper cars in the phone book. "Would it be under arcade?", Skittles suggests. I look without luck. He gives up and starts up his laptop. I continue to look under recreation and amusement park, but don't find bumper cars. Then I go to the ATL gov site, look under the heading KIDS, then Amusement and find a park with go-karts and bumper cars. Meanwhile, I don't even know what Skittles is doing, probably checking his myspace. I tell him about the place and he looks it up on his laptop, "Let me see. Wow they have a lot of stuff there. It closes at 10. It's almost 8 now, we won't be able to do anything." The place is only about 15 minutes away. I think to myself, "What the hell is wrong with him?" "2 hours is plenty of time.", I plead. "Well let's hurry up and leave."

So we hopped in my car. "Do you know where you are going?", he had the nerve to ask. "Yes, toward Atlanta." "No it's the other way.", he argued. We went back and forth about it and I convinced him, though not totally, that I was right. See the amusement park was south of Atlanta and we were south of the amusement park. So I had to go North. But the exits were labeled differently going north. This confused poor Skittles out of his mind. My solution was to just go north up the highway, get off after a few exits, and then come back south like we are coming from Atlanta. He insisted that I stop at a gas station and get directions. Can you believe no one knew where the place was? It didn't matter because I knew. Skittles just wasn't patient enough to go through the process with me. "Look, I'm just gonna go back down like we're coming from Atlanta, because the directions on the site are from Altanta." He allowed me to go on reluctantly.

So I drove on. We got to the exit and I told him it was 9 miles up the road on the left(just like the site stated). After about 5 miles, Skittles started getting antsy. "I think we are going the wrong way. Let's just turn around." I thought to my self again, "What the hell is wrong with him?" I tried to calm him down, "Babe, we are going the right way. Look there is a sign that says Fayetteville, GA is in this direction. That's where the park is. It's just a few more miles. Have patience." "We been driving for like 30 miles. It'll be closed by the time we get there. We won't be able to do anything. I think you should turn around", he complained. I looked at my clock that read 8:15. Then I looked at him to see if he was serious. He was. "Honey, we'll have enough time. You just wanted to do bumper cars anyway," I reminded him, "That won't take long." "Bumper cars?! I said I wanted to do go-karts!", he snapped. "You said Bumper cars at first!", I snapped back. "Why would I say that? Bumper cars are for kids.", he really wanted me to have that clear. "Okay whatever," I conceded, "You live in your own world."

By the time this little spat was over we got to the park. His mood changed and his eyes were beaming with excitement. We parked, purchased tickets, and got in line for the go-karts. I was first in our line of cars and Skittles was right behind me. When the ride operater removed the cone, I slowly peeled off. I looked back to see Skittles holding up everyone behind him. I guess he was having trouble getting going. I zoomed on. That was my first time doing go-karts. It was so much fun, once I got used to the controls and realized that I wouldn't flip if I went too fast around the corners. I raced around holding on to my lead until a pack of teen boys bumped me out of the way. The operater yelled, "No bumping". I blocked them for a minute, but then slowed down and let them pass. Then I slowed up to wait for skittle. He was second to last in the pack. I laughed at him. Then he passed me and wouldn't let me through. He had the hugest smile on his face and so did I. After the ride was over we complained about the rowdy boys, laughed at how slow he was going, and tried to figure out how they stop all the cars at once. I suggested remote control, but he didn't buy it.

So then Skittles surprises me by saying he wants to ride the bumper cars. I thought that was for kids, but I didn't say anything. Skittles lives in his own world. I'm sure if I mentioned it, he would just say that he never said that. So I was just glad he wanted to do it. We shared the bumper car rink with a little brother and sister and we bumped and spun in circles and just had the best time. I think that was good for Skittles, because he can needs to let off steam as much as possible. After that we played a couple of arcade games, then headed to KFC, where I realized I have esophageal **insert disease phenomenon here**.

Well I finally got registered for the fiction writing class. I'm hoping to improve my writing in general. I switch tenses alot. Sometimes I correct it and sometimes I just don't care. That's the good thing about blogging though. You can write how you want. Most people don't mind. Anyway, I read about William Carlos Williams, who was a poet and doctor. That gave me inspiration. This man had such a passion for writing that he looked at medicine as a way to support himself while he worked at his true craft. I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason and I try to listen to the signs that the universe gives me. Others don't understand that at all. They see it as coping out or being lazy. Now I understand what that wanna be shaman/prophet at my alma mater was talking about. He was this strange student, much like the one in med school now, who dedicating much of his time to studying God's word and communicating with Him. He sometimes went to a church that I attended off campus and I believe that is how I met him. Anyway, I was going into the cafeteria one day. He was sitting quietly on the ledge right outside the door. I asked him if he was going in. He told me that he was just waiting for God to tell him when it was the right time to go in. I gave him a crazy side-eye, smiled, and left him to his ritual.

But what if we all had that patience. The patience to just wait for the sign, the gift, the man, the baby, the job, the whatever. Instead of rushing out to complete all these goals and trying to plan out a life that we really have no control over, what if we just lived day to day and allowed the universe to guide our decisions and our plans. That's kinda what I did by signing up for this class, and dropping the Spanish, and I am happy with my decisions and the universe's plan.

Radio has started calling me again. We talk about the weather and gas prices, then say good bye. Not much there. I told him about Skittles. He doesn't seem to happy about it. My cousin, that he slept with, is going to be staying with me this summer. She is a journalism major (and complacent career student like me) and has an internship with the local newspaper. I don't know why or how she chose this city. I am assuming because I am here. We get along fine. She doesn't know I talk to Radio. I'd rather it stay that way.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Sorry!. Let's Catch Up!

Sorry I haven't written an entry in so long. I just didn't feel like writing for a few weeks. Maybe it was the medication. Anyway, I didn't take it this past weekend because I was being lazy and didn't feel like driving all the way to Walmart to take advangtage of the $4 program. Then I went home to be with my mom for Mother's Day. I went to Walmart there, two minutes before the pharmacy closed. They were not accepting anymore prescriptions. I was fine until Monday, when I started feeling really down. Now I'm back on my drugs and hoping it will kick in soon.

Skittles and I are still together although it was sketchy for a moment there. Last month, we were talking on the phone about our lives together. I started thinking about Who's the Boss and how Tony Danza was like a house husband. Then I was trying to remember if XXXXX was his daughter or boss. Then I started wondering to myself if there were any black women named XXXXX (that is how my mind works). So I asked Skittles if he new any black women named XXXXX. He said yeah, then asked why I wanted to know and if I was trying to be a spy. I said no, just wondering about names that white people have, but black people usually don't. He said "Well I know a black XXXXX and a white XXXXX." But I was really suspicious about black XXXXX, since he seemed to be taken aback by my question. I asked how he knew black XXXXX. He said she used to be his friend on myspace and he'd known her since high school. I asked if she had commented on his page within the last six months. He said yeah. I asked if she was in California. He said yeah. I don't know where this info was coming from, but I was rolling with it. Obviously the universe wanted me to know about black Samantha, even though Skittles was being secretive about her. I ended my interrogation and occasionally mentioned black Samantha in later conversations.

Then a couple of weeks ago, Skittles says, "I have to tell you something important. You know XXXXX. Well, she's pregnant. I didn't tell you at first because I wasn't sure she was going to keep it." He went on to tell me that she had come to FL in December twice, they had sex both times, in January she told him she was pregnant, and later found out she was pregnant with twins. She said he was the only man she'd been with. He said she is not the type of woman to lie about things like that. I was stunned. I didn't know what to think. I couldn't believe he'd hidden this from me and I couldn't believe the man I was considering living the rest of my life with was having new babies. I suddenly felt like Britney Spears and Skittles was my K-Fed.

After some discussion, I decided to stay with Skittles. He said he didn't want to be with her, but would consider it, if he was single, for the kids. I didn't want to be selfish, but Skittles is the type of guy that is gonna be with who he wants. I still struggle with it. Even last night we were considering breaking it off, because he says he wants to move near wherever these kids end up, so he can be there for them. He is trying to be a better father to his little girl too. He hasn't been apart of her life, but told his baby mama he wants to meet her. I think it's great that he's stepping up. It makes me love him more. We are going to ride this thing out until the wheels fall off.

Hugz asked to take me out to eat this weekend while I was home, so we could catch up. I honestly thought it was going to be a friendly meal. Hugz never showed real interest in me before. We met at a little italian restaurant. Hugz is a great conversationalist. He never runs out of questions or topics. We have the same sense of humor and he laughed at all my jokes. He kept talking about how cute and intelligent I was. After we ate he asked if I wanted to see a movie. I really wanted to see Forbidden Kingdom and since he was paying, I was like of course. So while we waited for the movie to start we went to the bookstore and looked at various books and magazines. He kept putting his arm around me and sneaking my hand into his. I was getting nervous, because I wasn't expecting him to act like that. During the movie, he reached over, placed his hand on my face, and said "I am having a wonderful time with you." I was like OMG! What is Hugz tryna do to me. Then he asked if he could put his arm around me. I said yes. He pulled me in closer to him and then started rubbing my thigh. I couldn't belive Hugz was all over me like that. All those times in college I wanted to get with him and he was like "you're my little sister." So I was surprised that he was being so forward.


After the movie he said I could come by his townhome later. But I ended up not going. I had plans to go out with Jokes, my old guy friend from high school. He stood me up though. He is back with his ex girlfriend. Booooo! Anyway, I did end up going to Hugz house on Sunday. He was all over me again. Then we started a makeout session with heavy petting. LOL! I kept thinking to myself, this is so strange. I'd always had a crush on this guy. I let go of the dream a while back and now, look at us. He has a nice thick schlong too. I just wanted him inside me. But he was like "Next time!" Whatever! I am never going to his lair again. Although, I would love to have sex with Hugz cause it would fufill a teenage dream, I can't do it. Why? Because he wouldn't consider being in a relationship with me. He told me he's not interested in entering a new relationship because he just got over his ex. This was dissapointing news because after our date the day before I was really thinking he might want to be serious. Why am I the jump-off/rebound girl/side piece always? The one guy that I'd think would respect me and would only come at me like that ifhe wanted to be serious, just wants to feel me up. What the hell? I guess if I respected myself more it wouldn't happen. LOL!

Well I have been feeling like I want to quit school and just get a normal 9-5 job like everyone else. I already have one degree and I am really and truly tired of school. I don't want to spend another day doing this stuff. Now I didn't feel like this until I missed 4 doses of my anti-depressant this weekend, so maybe that's why I feel like this. I had signed up for a spanish course, but they messed up my financial aid and I didn't have money to get the book. I woke up to go to class, but I was running late and wasn't gonna be able to catch the bus. Then I stepped on my glasses and the nose pad popped off. I drove to school, then tried to walk over to the building where my class was, but the short cut was blocked off because of construction. I was already late and if I walked all the way around the street way I would be even later so I went back to my car. And went back home. I tried to find the book I needed at the library, but for some reason it was not on the shelf, so I was pissed. I decided I would sign up for an online course, but you have to pay when you register and I don't know if my financial aid will cover it and since I don't have any yet, it doesn't matter. Today is the last day to register. So I am going to just drop the courses and forget about it. I am going to get a job and continue considering quitting school. I just don't want to do this anymore. And I am okay with that. I will have to move far away from everyone and detach myself from my family of course. They'll wonder what the hell is wrong with me and I will say, "I haven't figured it out yet." Maybe I have a brain tumor or lymphoma. I don't know. Maybe I'm just crazy.

I probably am a little crazy. I think I might have some telepathic powers. My mom and sister think they do too. We could all be crazy, but really why else would I suddenly think about a black Samantha. And also with Hugz he wanted me to guess his middle name. I went through some silly names like Lucious and Percy. Then I got an image of a young Malcolm Jamal Warner and I was like "Theo? Theodore!" He was like "Yeah!" So weird, right? It just happens like that sometimes. Maybe I'm psychic! LOL!