Sunday, May 18, 2008

Patience

I've been sitting in the same spot in my living room recliner for the past 5 hours. I've gotten up to eat and pee. Why? I've been waiting. I've been waiting for this pain in my chest to go away. I've had it since Saturday night, after Skittles and I went go-kart racing in ATL. We went to KFC. I ordered the hot wings and as I was eating them I could feel the bolus of food slowly working it's way down my esophagus to my stomach. It was an uncomfortable, and somewhat painful feeling, but went away a few hours after I took some Pepto Bismal. Today I've had the same problem and it makes me not want to eat anymore. I'm going to have to go to the doctor about this if it doesn't stop tomorrow. I don't need to lose anymore weight.

I think I stated before that I wanted to get back down to my high school size. Well I am pretty much there. My depression helped. It took my appetite and for a couple of weeks I was only eating once or twice a day. And I wouldn't eat much. I wouldn't recommend that as a diet strategy. I thought once I got on the medication and started eating again I'd gain lots of weight back, but so far I've just kept losing.

My fear is that I've developed some type of stricture in my esophagus. I've had GERD for like 2 years. It started when I contracted a stomach bug druing my pediatrics rotation back in 2006. It was awful. I couldn't keep anything down and I had watery diarrhea. After that I started getting really bad heartburn a couple of times a week. I took over the counter proton pump inhibitors's, but I would always forget to finish the package. So I started taking the PPI/antacid chewable tabs. Those helped, but they are expensive, so I didn't use them consistantly.

Well, here I am, having not properly treated my GERD, now waiting for my chest pain to go away. It might have to stay all night. I want to lay down, but I know that the pain will become nausea. I wish I had some lidocaine and a long sterile tube. LOL!

Skittles and I met in ATL again. We went to an amusment park and did go-karts and bumper cars. Skittles is so impatient and he has a horrible sense of direction. So much so, that I wonder how he has made it this far in life. We were laying in the bed after a love-making session and he goes, "I wonder if they have bumper cars around here." I say, "I don't know. Maybe we can look it up on the internet." He says, "I doubt it." I think to myself, "Hello the internet is the ultimate source of information. Are you crazy?" I just get up and start plugging up my computer. Skittles says, "Well you can probably find it in the phone book faster." I think to myself, "You sound like my dad. So pre-WWW." But I grab the phonebook anyway, while I waited for my computer to start up. One question though, where would you find bumper cars in the phone book. "Would it be under arcade?", Skittles suggests. I look without luck. He gives up and starts up his laptop. I continue to look under recreation and amusement park, but don't find bumper cars. Then I go to the ATL gov site, look under the heading KIDS, then Amusement and find a park with go-karts and bumper cars. Meanwhile, I don't even know what Skittles is doing, probably checking his myspace. I tell him about the place and he looks it up on his laptop, "Let me see. Wow they have a lot of stuff there. It closes at 10. It's almost 8 now, we won't be able to do anything." The place is only about 15 minutes away. I think to myself, "What the hell is wrong with him?" "2 hours is plenty of time.", I plead. "Well let's hurry up and leave."

So we hopped in my car. "Do you know where you are going?", he had the nerve to ask. "Yes, toward Atlanta." "No it's the other way.", he argued. We went back and forth about it and I convinced him, though not totally, that I was right. See the amusement park was south of Atlanta and we were south of the amusement park. So I had to go North. But the exits were labeled differently going north. This confused poor Skittles out of his mind. My solution was to just go north up the highway, get off after a few exits, and then come back south like we are coming from Atlanta. He insisted that I stop at a gas station and get directions. Can you believe no one knew where the place was? It didn't matter because I knew. Skittles just wasn't patient enough to go through the process with me. "Look, I'm just gonna go back down like we're coming from Atlanta, because the directions on the site are from Altanta." He allowed me to go on reluctantly.

So I drove on. We got to the exit and I told him it was 9 miles up the road on the left(just like the site stated). After about 5 miles, Skittles started getting antsy. "I think we are going the wrong way. Let's just turn around." I thought to my self again, "What the hell is wrong with him?" I tried to calm him down, "Babe, we are going the right way. Look there is a sign that says Fayetteville, GA is in this direction. That's where the park is. It's just a few more miles. Have patience." "We been driving for like 30 miles. It'll be closed by the time we get there. We won't be able to do anything. I think you should turn around", he complained. I looked at my clock that read 8:15. Then I looked at him to see if he was serious. He was. "Honey, we'll have enough time. You just wanted to do bumper cars anyway," I reminded him, "That won't take long." "Bumper cars?! I said I wanted to do go-karts!", he snapped. "You said Bumper cars at first!", I snapped back. "Why would I say that? Bumper cars are for kids.", he really wanted me to have that clear. "Okay whatever," I conceded, "You live in your own world."

By the time this little spat was over we got to the park. His mood changed and his eyes were beaming with excitement. We parked, purchased tickets, and got in line for the go-karts. I was first in our line of cars and Skittles was right behind me. When the ride operater removed the cone, I slowly peeled off. I looked back to see Skittles holding up everyone behind him. I guess he was having trouble getting going. I zoomed on. That was my first time doing go-karts. It was so much fun, once I got used to the controls and realized that I wouldn't flip if I went too fast around the corners. I raced around holding on to my lead until a pack of teen boys bumped me out of the way. The operater yelled, "No bumping". I blocked them for a minute, but then slowed down and let them pass. Then I slowed up to wait for skittle. He was second to last in the pack. I laughed at him. Then he passed me and wouldn't let me through. He had the hugest smile on his face and so did I. After the ride was over we complained about the rowdy boys, laughed at how slow he was going, and tried to figure out how they stop all the cars at once. I suggested remote control, but he didn't buy it.

So then Skittles surprises me by saying he wants to ride the bumper cars. I thought that was for kids, but I didn't say anything. Skittles lives in his own world. I'm sure if I mentioned it, he would just say that he never said that. So I was just glad he wanted to do it. We shared the bumper car rink with a little brother and sister and we bumped and spun in circles and just had the best time. I think that was good for Skittles, because he can needs to let off steam as much as possible. After that we played a couple of arcade games, then headed to KFC, where I realized I have esophageal **insert disease phenomenon here**.

Well I finally got registered for the fiction writing class. I'm hoping to improve my writing in general. I switch tenses alot. Sometimes I correct it and sometimes I just don't care. That's the good thing about blogging though. You can write how you want. Most people don't mind. Anyway, I read about William Carlos Williams, who was a poet and doctor. That gave me inspiration. This man had such a passion for writing that he looked at medicine as a way to support himself while he worked at his true craft. I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason and I try to listen to the signs that the universe gives me. Others don't understand that at all. They see it as coping out or being lazy. Now I understand what that wanna be shaman/prophet at my alma mater was talking about. He was this strange student, much like the one in med school now, who dedicating much of his time to studying God's word and communicating with Him. He sometimes went to a church that I attended off campus and I believe that is how I met him. Anyway, I was going into the cafeteria one day. He was sitting quietly on the ledge right outside the door. I asked him if he was going in. He told me that he was just waiting for God to tell him when it was the right time to go in. I gave him a crazy side-eye, smiled, and left him to his ritual.

But what if we all had that patience. The patience to just wait for the sign, the gift, the man, the baby, the job, the whatever. Instead of rushing out to complete all these goals and trying to plan out a life that we really have no control over, what if we just lived day to day and allowed the universe to guide our decisions and our plans. That's kinda what I did by signing up for this class, and dropping the Spanish, and I am happy with my decisions and the universe's plan.

Radio has started calling me again. We talk about the weather and gas prices, then say good bye. Not much there. I told him about Skittles. He doesn't seem to happy about it. My cousin, that he slept with, is going to be staying with me this summer. She is a journalism major (and complacent career student like me) and has an internship with the local newspaper. I don't know why or how she chose this city. I am assuming because I am here. We get along fine. She doesn't know I talk to Radio. I'd rather it stay that way.

1 comment:

  1. Hey,
    Don't sleep on GERD. That shit is painful. I have it. I did the meds and then kicked (after 9 months) when I changed my diet. Do what you can to take care of it. You can't enjoy life while constant pain, whether it rates at '0' or '10' on the smiley face scale.

    P.S. I slept with Radio too. :) Don't tell on me.

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