Sorry I haven't written an entry in so long. I just didn't feel like writing for a few weeks. Maybe it was the medication. Anyway, I didn't take it this past weekend because I was being lazy and didn't feel like driving all the way to Walmart to take advangtage of the $4 program. Then I went home to be with my mom for Mother's Day. I went to Walmart there, two minutes before the pharmacy closed. They were not accepting anymore prescriptions. I was fine until Monday, when I started feeling really down. Now I'm back on my drugs and hoping it will kick in soon.
Skittles and I are still together although it was sketchy for a moment there. Last month, we were talking on the phone about our lives together. I started thinking about Who's the Boss and how Tony Danza was like a house husband. Then I was trying to remember if XXXXX was his daughter or boss. Then I started wondering to myself if there were any black women named XXXXX (that is how my mind works). So I asked Skittles if he new any black women named XXXXX. He said yeah, then asked why I wanted to know and if I was trying to be a spy. I said no, just wondering about names that white people have, but black people usually don't. He said "Well I know a black XXXXX and a white XXXXX." But I was really suspicious about black XXXXX, since he seemed to be taken aback by my question. I asked how he knew black XXXXX. He said she used to be his friend on myspace and he'd known her since high school. I asked if she had commented on his page within the last six months. He said yeah. I asked if she was in California. He said yeah. I don't know where this info was coming from, but I was rolling with it. Obviously the universe wanted me to know about black Samantha, even though Skittles was being secretive about her. I ended my interrogation and occasionally mentioned black Samantha in later conversations.
Then a couple of weeks ago, Skittles says, "I have to tell you something important. You know XXXXX. Well, she's pregnant. I didn't tell you at first because I wasn't sure she was going to keep it." He went on to tell me that she had come to FL in December twice, they had sex both times, in January she told him she was pregnant, and later found out she was pregnant with twins. She said he was the only man she'd been with. He said she is not the type of woman to lie about things like that. I was stunned. I didn't know what to think. I couldn't believe he'd hidden this from me and I couldn't believe the man I was considering living the rest of my life with was having new babies. I suddenly felt like Britney Spears and Skittles was my K-Fed.
After some discussion, I decided to stay with Skittles. He said he didn't want to be with her, but would consider it, if he was single, for the kids. I didn't want to be selfish, but Skittles is the type of guy that is gonna be with who he wants. I still struggle with it. Even last night we were considering breaking it off, because he says he wants to move near wherever these kids end up, so he can be there for them. He is trying to be a better father to his little girl too. He hasn't been apart of her life, but told his baby mama he wants to meet her. I think it's great that he's stepping up. It makes me love him more. We are going to ride this thing out until the wheels fall off.
Hugz asked to take me out to eat this weekend while I was home, so we could catch up. I honestly thought it was going to be a friendly meal. Hugz never showed real interest in me before. We met at a little italian restaurant. Hugz is a great conversationalist. He never runs out of questions or topics. We have the same sense of humor and he laughed at all my jokes. He kept talking about how cute and intelligent I was. After we ate he asked if I wanted to see a movie. I really wanted to see Forbidden Kingdom and since he was paying, I was like of course. So while we waited for the movie to start we went to the bookstore and looked at various books and magazines. He kept putting his arm around me and sneaking my hand into his. I was getting nervous, because I wasn't expecting him to act like that. During the movie, he reached over, placed his hand on my face, and said "I am having a wonderful time with you." I was like OMG! What is Hugz tryna do to me. Then he asked if he could put his arm around me. I said yes. He pulled me in closer to him and then started rubbing my thigh. I couldn't belive Hugz was all over me like that. All those times in college I wanted to get with him and he was like "you're my little sister." So I was surprised that he was being so forward.
After the movie he said I could come by his townhome later. But I ended up not going. I had plans to go out with Jokes, my old guy friend from high school. He stood me up though. He is back with his ex girlfriend. Booooo! Anyway, I did end up going to Hugz house on Sunday. He was all over me again. Then we started a makeout session with heavy petting. LOL! I kept thinking to myself, this is so strange. I'd always had a crush on this guy. I let go of the dream a while back and now, look at us. He has a nice thick schlong too. I just wanted him inside me. But he was like "Next time!" Whatever! I am never going to his lair again. Although, I would love to have sex with Hugz cause it would fufill a teenage dream, I can't do it. Why? Because he wouldn't consider being in a relationship with me. He told me he's not interested in entering a new relationship because he just got over his ex. This was dissapointing news because after our date the day before I was really thinking he might want to be serious. Why am I the jump-off/rebound girl/side piece always? The one guy that I'd think would respect me and would only come at me like that ifhe wanted to be serious, just wants to feel me up. What the hell? I guess if I respected myself more it wouldn't happen. LOL!
Well I have been feeling like I want to quit school and just get a normal 9-5 job like everyone else. I already have one degree and I am really and truly tired of school. I don't want to spend another day doing this stuff. Now I didn't feel like this until I missed 4 doses of my anti-depressant this weekend, so maybe that's why I feel like this. I had signed up for a spanish course, but they messed up my financial aid and I didn't have money to get the book. I woke up to go to class, but I was running late and wasn't gonna be able to catch the bus. Then I stepped on my glasses and the nose pad popped off. I drove to school, then tried to walk over to the building where my class was, but the short cut was blocked off because of construction. I was already late and if I walked all the way around the street way I would be even later so I went back to my car. And went back home. I tried to find the book I needed at the library, but for some reason it was not on the shelf, so I was pissed. I decided I would sign up for an online course, but you have to pay when you register and I don't know if my financial aid will cover it and since I don't have any yet, it doesn't matter. Today is the last day to register. So I am going to just drop the courses and forget about it. I am going to get a job and continue considering quitting school. I just don't want to do this anymore. And I am okay with that. I will have to move far away from everyone and detach myself from my family of course. They'll wonder what the hell is wrong with me and I will say, "I haven't figured it out yet." Maybe I have a brain tumor or lymphoma. I don't know. Maybe I'm just crazy.
I probably am a little crazy. I think I might have some telepathic powers. My mom and sister think they do too. We could all be crazy, but really why else would I suddenly think about a black Samantha. And also with Hugz he wanted me to guess his middle name. I went through some silly names like Lucious and Percy. Then I got an image of a young Malcolm Jamal Warner and I was like "Theo? Theodore!" He was like "Yeah!" So weird, right? It just happens like that sometimes. Maybe I'm psychic! LOL!