Friday, January 28, 2011

Something NEW!!

Well I started a profile on a dating site and so far I've met two guys. One I'll call Neptune because he's got massive chesticals like the mythical deity Neptune and he has a mustache like Pharrell from the Neptunes. He contacted me first and I liked his pictures, so I responded. His approach was sorta aggressive. He wanted to meet as soon as possible. I hadn't had good schlong in a while and something about his pictures made me think he could give it to me. We quickly went from texting to talking to our first meeting at Buffulo Wild Wings. I was so nervous sitting in the booth with my Margarita and sweet tea, waiting for Neptune to show up. What if he didn't like what he saw? He said he was short, what if he was a midget? Most of his picks were chest up, what if he's had gastric bypass and a massive belly. The anticipation was killing me, but still I knew everything would be fine and that I would be pleased literally later that night. He drove by the window in his black magnum looking for a parking space. I got a glimpse of his profile. He was smaller than I thought. Then I saw him again walking toward the door. He was attractive. Nice smile. Small frame. Dressed in a red and white plaid button down, blue jeans, and black boots. I invited him to sit next to me in the booth. We talked for about an hour and by the end of the night we were talking about wine and night caps and he invited me to his apartment. I said yes. Then he got this look in his eyes like "Damn I'ma give it to this chick good."

I followed Neptune to his apartment. It's a modest place. Not much furnishing. I would expect that for a bachelor, but maybe a little more for a 31 year old one. We sat on the couch to watch TV. He pulled up the radio on the computer, playing some slow jams. He started telling me I was sexy and beautiful and then he went in for a kiss. His lips were soft, his kiss reassuring. He asked me to get up so he could show me around. I followed him from his bedroom to the second bedroom where we started to kiss again. He sarted kissing my neck. I was so into it. His tongue felt so good on my neck. His hands caressed and squeezed my ass. It felt so good, so right. My body needed it and he was ready to give it to me. He laid on his back and I kissed and licked his neck, down to his chest and his stomach. He moaned with every stroke of my wet tongue. Then I took off his boxers. His schlong was a nice size. It fit perfectly in my mouth. I could almost put the whole thing in my mouth before it reached the back of my throat. "You swallowed the whold thing baby." I gave him head for about 10 minutes when he opened up a condom and asked me to climb on. I rode his dick up and down and around. He felt so good inside me I could barely contain myself. I wanted to cry it felt so good.

I got on my back and he started fucking me. He had my legs up and down, closed and spread. It was great. He ended off with my ass hanging off the edge of the bed. When he was about to cum he took off the condom and I got down on my knees and he came all over my mouth.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Good Effort

Well I finally talked to Bruno in person. Twice now. He's a flake. He said he couldn't call/text/email me because he's been so busy with work. But if I call you while you're sitting in the breakroom eating a chicken breast, I would expect you not to be too busy to answer. What a joke. Then I see him another day, headed toward the bathroom. I stop to say hi, he greets me and continues into the restroom. Not wanting to miss the chance to remind him of our planned rendevous, I ask him if we are still planning to "workout". He stares at me for a minute, I guess surprised that I would dare to ask him, looks in the bathroom to see if anyone is around and then says quietly, "I'll call you". Yeah right. He's the worst and I just can't take it.

I should have gone with my original plan, which was to skip him and go with this other guy at work, who has always been much more aggressive with his flirting. I'll call him Yoshi, because he has epicanthal folds like and asian guy. Yoshi is lightskinned, skinny guy at my job who works the pm shift. He is married with two boys, but from the 1st day I met him, he seemed interested in me. I thought he might be a better prospect because he worked a different shift. There is a woman that works with me who knows my fiancee. Althought I ddidn't think she'd tell anyone about Bruno, I didn't want to risk it. However, this woman will be on a leave of absence for several months, so I thought it was a sign that I should go for Bruno. WRONG!!!!

I talked to Yoshi yesterday because I had to stay late. He was trying to invite me to his friends party, but I had to work my part-time that night and he wasn't sure of the name of the club. I think I'll skip the email and just give him my number directly next time we talk. He's cuter than Bruno, more my type that is. I like lightskinned men, which both are, but Yoshi is a little darker and Bruno has some other mix in there. Yoshi is down with the black girls and Bruno just likes any woman. Infact, I think Bruno is just a sex addict. I can't stand him right now. I am never going to call/text/email him again. Maybe I'll say hi at work but that's it. So F him!!!

Monday, January 17, 2011

Always the Same

So Bruno and I are planning to get together this weekend. He wanted to get us a hotel this past Saturday, but I was going to a party and though I invited him, he didn't want to go. He really messed up with me on that one. I hate when a guy clearly only wants one thing and isn't willing to put for any other effort but to fuck you.

It's bothering me that he texted me everyday last week and now I haven't heard from him since Saturday. I'm not calling him. I'm not emailing him. I'm not texting him. I will say hello at work and that's it. When he finally texts me, probably later this week Wednesday or Thursday. I'll tell him to call me. He'll call and I'll ask what he wants. He'll say he wants to see how I'm doing. I'll be fine and ask him the same. He say he's good and ask if I'm sure everything is okay. I'll say I've been going through somethings with Fiancee and I've just been really down lately. He'll apologize and say he wished he could do something to cheer me up. I'll tell him no not to worry about me. He'll use that opportunity to bring up our "plans" for Saturday. I'll ask what he has planned. He'll say he wants to get a room, probably will want to meet there aroun 8 or 9 pm. I'll ask is that how you normally do things? You don't get drinks or talk.

I mean the least he could do is plan a date that ends at the hotel. I don't really know Bruno, except that he's really cute and wants to fuck me really bad. If he still wants to fuck me, I'm gonna have to ask him to make it special. Sweep me off my feet, wine and dine me, show me something different, share something with me to make me feel like I mean something to you, other than a fuck.

I am planning to leave Fiancee. I am postponing the wedding. He really doesn't want me to leave him. He cried last night when I suggested the idea. I will stay, just so he won't go crazy, but he's gonna drive me crazy the next few days asking me what's wrong and why I won't act like I love him. He doesn't understand what I'm going through. All he cares about is his own insecurity. I have to get out of this relationship. It's just going to take a while.

I want Bruno to be my exscape, but he is starting to lose my interest. Even if he does text or call before I'm expecting I won't answer until Thurs or Fri. I just don't want him to think he's got it in the bag. I don't want him to think it's gonna be that easy. He's gonna have to take me out for drinks or lunch/dinner. Spend some intimate time just talking and getting to know each other. He's gotta start giving me more attention at work. I know he doesn't want everyone knowing what's going on but he can still stop and talk to me. Put an arm around me, grab my hand, something to make me feel special to him. That is what makes a solid connection for me.

There was this guy I met a couple years ago before Fiancee, when I first moved back home. I was at a black party at a local hotel. I was inthe VIP section and I noticed this guy in a black jacket that had this silver sparkly winged design on the back. He was wearing a mail boy type hat and dark shades. Something just was so attractive about him and I had to go talk to him. He was happy to be talking to me. He put his arm around me, we dance a little and then exchanged numbers. He took me out on a date one weekend and the next weekend we met at a hotel. The sex was fantastic. He was hung like a stallion, even flaccid he was huge. I really liked him and I could tell he liked me too, even though our relationship was based mostly on sex, we still had a connection beyond that. I guess because he started out with a date and he always put me up in a nice hotel except for once when I had to pay for it. We stopped seeing each other when Fiancee and I got serious.

I just want Bruno to do the same. Ease into the sex. I've done the whole start out having sex thing, with Glimmer, Papi Chulo, and Pretty Boi. I just don't want to do it like that anymore. I'm older and deserve me. I'll try to convince him to make Saturday night special. Hopefully he hasn't forgotten about me. I need another man to get my mind off him. I'm going to the gym tonight with my girls maybe I'll scope out a guy and attack him...lol. We'll see. Bruno just better pick it up.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Need Real Love

So After I closed out my blog yesterday, my horrible day turned into and even more dooming night. I had told Bruno not to text me after 1030, but because he got out of work a little after that he decided to text me a couple of times. My phone was downstairs in my purse on silence. My phone vibrates when it's on silence so Fiancee heard and looked thru my phone. He called Bruno to see if he was a man and then came up stairs to confront me.

I was asleep when he asked why Bruno would be calling me. He said why would you be talking to another man behind my back if you love me. I told him that I just met Bruno and gave him my number. Fiancee didn't believe me. He accused me of a being a cheater, saying he knew this was going on for a long time. I repeated to him I just met him. I couldn't believe he was approaching me this way, when he had a secret of his own. So I asked him why he was sexting his ex-wife and asking her and another chick to come see him. He of course denied it at first. I reached for his phone to prove it, but when I opened his messages they had been erased. I broke down crying, yelling, "You erased them. Are you telling me I'm crazy? You want me to think I'm going crazy. Why did you erase them?" He hesitated to answer. He admitted to texting but said he never had sex with either woman. I didn't believe him at all. The texts insinuated that he'd had sex with them in our home. He then went on to explain that he only cheated because he knew I was seeing someone. I had to stop him right there because he was making a correlation that was none existant. He began his affairs before I even emailed Bruno. He began to see how much of a fool he was, but wanted to maintain my fault in the situation. I couldn't take it. I went off on him, yelling screaming at the top of my lungs in my defense. He was wrong. He was sexting. I just gave my number out. He didn't care what I was saying, he claimed to want me out. But then he had a change of heart. He hugged me and asked me to stay, saying he didn't want to cheat anymore. I was relieved because I didn't know where I would go.

But today he again changed his mind and asked me to give my ring back and move out. But 5 minutes later he asked me to work it out and gave me a list of things he was going to do different. It's too little too late.

He should have never looked thru my phone. He should not have lied about the affairs. He should have left things alone. I can't believe he had the audacity to accuse me of cheating when he was hiding two women. I can not forgive him for that. I can't forgive him for not trusting me and not talking to me. For accusing me of doing the wrong he had created in his own mind. He'll do it again.

I can't go on wedding planning with all of this in my mind. I will cancel it. That is step one. I will give the ring back, step two. My next step, I am not sure of. I would like to think that we can move on from this, but don't feel it will be the same. I still love him. I still care about him deeply, but I know in the back of his mind he will be wondering if I'm plotting against him.

And then there's Bruno. I talked to him today for quite sometime and he impressed me. He said he would talk to Fiancee if he had to and tell him it was the first time we talked. He said he was sorry for ruining what Fiancee and I have and what we could have possibly had. He encouraged me and gave me advice. I told him I still wanted to talk to him and asked him to go to the party with me Saturday.

I can see myself really falling for Bruno. I don't know the status of his marriage, but if he is looking for a way out, I am looking for a way in. I hope he comes to the party because I think it would be a turning point in our relationship. It would be an opp to really feel each other out. I try not to get my hopes up too much or put too much on him, but I really need him to save me from this dead end relationship with Fiancee. I really need him to just tell me he can see us being together. He did say he was here for me, whatever I needed. That's a good sign that he is started to care for me. Or maybe he's just a really nice guy. Or Hopefully all the twists and turns that have recently occured in my life have led me to Bruno and he will be The One.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Bad Karma

So apparently I did something wrong recently, because all the bad things that I sometimes dread happening to me, happened today.

One of my fears is skidding on black ice. Happened this morning on the way to work. Thank God I didn't hit anything.

Another fear is suffocating/burning to death. I got to work and a fire truck was outside. We were told there was a gas leak and our workroom hadn't been cleared yet. I exclaimed, "I don't want to die!", as I envisioned myself walking in to the back and passing out after breathing the gaseous fumes or as spark from a saw creating a engulfing fireball.

Then I realize at lunch time, I don't have the money I thought I had to get the gas I realized I was in need of in order to get home. I called my fiancee and asked him to put money in my bank account. He refused saying he was upset with me for overdrafting my account again and he didn't have time to stop at the bank on his way to work. I told him I would be fine, even though I knew I wouldn't be. I had to face another huge fear: running out of gas on the freeway. I sat on the side of the highway, while cars zoomed passed, hoping a big 18 wheeler would smack into me hard enough to send me flying all the way home. I pondered my recent decisions in life that possibly created this bad karma. I wondered if I really deserved all of this bad fortune in one day. I thought about the moment I stopped praying to God to get me all the way home on 1/20th of a tank of gas, in oder to flick a lady off for not letting me over as a church van drove by. I laughed then, but I wasn't laughing now. That "Fuck you!" was reflecting back on me now, blindingly. I took my punishment today for what I still haven't figured out. I mean I have an idea, but I am in denial as of right now.

I had to call my fiancee at his job to come put gas in my tank. He didn't want to talk to me, just told me to try to start it once he was done emptying his gas can. My engine reved and roared, "I'm sorry. Thank you!", I looked up at my man's benevolent eyes. He wanted to forgive me, but he had to stand his ground. I understood. Soon I was back home.

I poured a glass of mojito mix vodka and drank half in two gulps. "I'll clean up around here. That will make up for it." I couldn't believe I was feeling so badly, when I should be mad at him for daring to be angry with me, when he's having at least two affairs behind my back. And I'm certain that if either one of them had called for his help he would have found a way to come to their rescue, before they ended up stranded. I think he even helped one get tires and a muffler from his mechanic. I know he did. But still, I'm not supposed to know, so I began clearing out the bathroom, when my phone rang.

It was my job. "why would they be calling me now?" I answered to hear a familiar baritone voice on the other end. It was Bruno. And as I realized who he was, the vodka I'd had 15 minutes early began to sink into my brain. I started to giggle. "I must sound so stupid," I thought. But he didn't seem to mind. I wrote him an email earlier apologizing for not speaking on the way out, for I was in a bummy mood. He accepted my apology and asked if I was feeling better. I told him I was giggling again, and he asked if he could call me later and told me to check my email in the morning. I giggled and said, "okay". Then he texted me from his cell, "You sound so cute on the phone." I sent him like 3 texts back over explaining my drunken state. Don't drunk text!!!

Well things are going well so far. I'm continuing to be patient and trying not to be a flake. It's hard when I haven't really dated in so long. Hopefully I'll have more good updates and less bad luck.

Monday, January 10, 2011

New Thangs!

Well my new guy from work, I decided his nickname should be Bruno, has been emailing back and forth with me. Mostly flirting and small talk, but I gave him my phone number in the last email. Hopefully he'll be texting or calling me by tomorrow. We'll see. I saw him today in the hall as I was leaving and he was clocking in. We just said hi, but he kept walking and so did I. I don't know if it's just me or if there is mutual nervousness about talking for long periods of time. I know he likes me because he's been asking others a about me. He already knew where I lived and I know I didn't tell him. I hope he's not a stalker. I really just wish things could move a little faster. I hate waiting for relationships to develop. I like when things move fast and giving him my number was my attempt to speed it up a bit. I want to invite him to a dance I'm going to on Saturday night. Doubt he'll go, but I want to at least ask, so he'll know I'm interested in hanging out. I predict that we will probably get together before the end of the week but I don't know how. I just wish it would happen already!!!. I have to promise myself though, that I won't put myself out there for this guy. No traveling all over the city to try to meet up with him. He's gonna have to do some moving around too.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

oh well

I have to think of a nickname for the work guy. Not that it matters because he didn't answer my email (prob didn't check), and he signed up to move to pm shift for 3 months. I will never see him. I'll call him Stalker, since he sometimes stares me down. Stalker did stop outside my workroom to wave hello and smile. He looked so cute, like a little kid happy to see me. We had a meeting this afternoon. Afterward we all left and I waited for the elevator to take me back downstairs. The elevator has mirror doors and I noticed Stalker checking me out as he walked by. I don't get him, though. Cause when we got back downstairs in the computer area, he didn't say anything directly to me. He just signed up for the pm shift and said, "well I'm gonna miss you guys." It upsets me that he is doing this, but I understand. We get paid more money working that shift. I am tempted to do the same, but we don't actually have a late pm shift like the other group Stalker works with. So I doubt this will go anywhere, based on what's happened so far. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to reminisce on lovers past.

Monday, January 3, 2011

It will be okay

So I found some text messages on my fiancee's phone. I was't looking for them or snooping around. I don't do that. I trust him. But now I'm learning that I shouldn't have. I picked up his phone to take a picture and I saw text messages from his ex-wife. He's been seeing her and some other chick with the same name as me, spelled differently. I found the other woman's texts when I searched his phone later that night and early this morning. At first I was a little devastated, but now I kinda feel like he's trying to get it all in before we get married in May. I don't understand why he'd want to go back to his ex, but it's fine. I won't trip. Why?

Well this gives me a chance to play around before I make the big plunge. Do I want to cheat on him? No and I haven't since he put a ring on it. I've thought about it and changed my mind several times. But now that I have this info in my arsenal, I'll just blame him if he finds out about it. What?

Well there's a guy at my full time job, that seems to like me. When I first started working there, I would catch him staring at me from across the room, during meetings, breaks, etc. I ignored him. I refused to make consistant eye contact. He would say hi or try to joke around with me and I would keep it short as possible. Why? I don't know. I was nervous. Sometimes guys flirt just to try to get in a girls head. Sometimes, just to be nice. Sometimes because they like them. I was afraid he liked me and maybe I'd like him. We'd have sex and then boom he'd tell me he was married, or that we didn't have enough in common to keep it going, or he'd start ignoring me out of the blue. No matter how many times or ways I played it out in my head, I still saw it ending badly. So it wasn't worth it, to risk what I had. A man that loved me, was faithful, had fogiven me several times in the past for my cheating ways. A man that was taking care of me and was as close to a sugar daddy as I was gonna get. Why give that up for someone who I knew wouldn't want a commitment?

But that's just it. I've since talked to the guy a little more. Flirted back a bit. And found out from a co-worker and a little online investigation that he's married. So I would be the perfect love affair. A woman who's getting married soon and with no plans to leave her man. This way, he can keep his marriage and his kids. No drama.

Now that I have all the info I need for my situation and his, I can move forward. So I emailed him today, because he wasn't at work. I pretended that I didn't go to the bulletin board in the computer room, to see if he was on the schedule for today, and I typed, "I didn't see you today. Were you even there? How was your New Year's?" I know, kinda lame, but I want to convey that I noticed his absence, but not to the point where I was actually looking for him, and that I would like to take our daily greetings a step further.

So we'll see what he says back. If he gives me more info that just "It was good", I'll know he's receptive and I'll continue to pursue his interest further. If he's like "good, yours?" Then I'll just answer great and wait for him to take another step, but I won't press.

I'm kinda anxious!!

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Arrg

Just found out my fiancee's been talking to his ex-wife. Can I hate my life right now?