Monday, January 17, 2011

Always the Same

So Bruno and I are planning to get together this weekend. He wanted to get us a hotel this past Saturday, but I was going to a party and though I invited him, he didn't want to go. He really messed up with me on that one. I hate when a guy clearly only wants one thing and isn't willing to put for any other effort but to fuck you.

It's bothering me that he texted me everyday last week and now I haven't heard from him since Saturday. I'm not calling him. I'm not emailing him. I'm not texting him. I will say hello at work and that's it. When he finally texts me, probably later this week Wednesday or Thursday. I'll tell him to call me. He'll call and I'll ask what he wants. He'll say he wants to see how I'm doing. I'll be fine and ask him the same. He say he's good and ask if I'm sure everything is okay. I'll say I've been going through somethings with Fiancee and I've just been really down lately. He'll apologize and say he wished he could do something to cheer me up. I'll tell him no not to worry about me. He'll use that opportunity to bring up our "plans" for Saturday. I'll ask what he has planned. He'll say he wants to get a room, probably will want to meet there aroun 8 or 9 pm. I'll ask is that how you normally do things? You don't get drinks or talk.

I mean the least he could do is plan a date that ends at the hotel. I don't really know Bruno, except that he's really cute and wants to fuck me really bad. If he still wants to fuck me, I'm gonna have to ask him to make it special. Sweep me off my feet, wine and dine me, show me something different, share something with me to make me feel like I mean something to you, other than a fuck.

I am planning to leave Fiancee. I am postponing the wedding. He really doesn't want me to leave him. He cried last night when I suggested the idea. I will stay, just so he won't go crazy, but he's gonna drive me crazy the next few days asking me what's wrong and why I won't act like I love him. He doesn't understand what I'm going through. All he cares about is his own insecurity. I have to get out of this relationship. It's just going to take a while.

I want Bruno to be my exscape, but he is starting to lose my interest. Even if he does text or call before I'm expecting I won't answer until Thurs or Fri. I just don't want him to think he's got it in the bag. I don't want him to think it's gonna be that easy. He's gonna have to take me out for drinks or lunch/dinner. Spend some intimate time just talking and getting to know each other. He's gotta start giving me more attention at work. I know he doesn't want everyone knowing what's going on but he can still stop and talk to me. Put an arm around me, grab my hand, something to make me feel special to him. That is what makes a solid connection for me.

There was this guy I met a couple years ago before Fiancee, when I first moved back home. I was at a black party at a local hotel. I was inthe VIP section and I noticed this guy in a black jacket that had this silver sparkly winged design on the back. He was wearing a mail boy type hat and dark shades. Something just was so attractive about him and I had to go talk to him. He was happy to be talking to me. He put his arm around me, we dance a little and then exchanged numbers. He took me out on a date one weekend and the next weekend we met at a hotel. The sex was fantastic. He was hung like a stallion, even flaccid he was huge. I really liked him and I could tell he liked me too, even though our relationship was based mostly on sex, we still had a connection beyond that. I guess because he started out with a date and he always put me up in a nice hotel except for once when I had to pay for it. We stopped seeing each other when Fiancee and I got serious.

I just want Bruno to do the same. Ease into the sex. I've done the whole start out having sex thing, with Glimmer, Papi Chulo, and Pretty Boi. I just don't want to do it like that anymore. I'm older and deserve me. I'll try to convince him to make Saturday night special. Hopefully he hasn't forgotten about me. I need another man to get my mind off him. I'm going to the gym tonight with my girls maybe I'll scope out a guy and attack We'll see. Bruno just better pick it up.

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