Monday, February 28, 2011

Eff a nigga

So alot has happened. I moved in with Neptune. He is a confusing guy. One minute he's like we're just roommates, the next he wants to fuck me and the next he wants to cuddle and kiss and play house. It makes me mad cause I never know what to expect.

I had to move in with him, because I couldn't find my wallet and the only person who could have moved it was my roommate. I had put it in the center console in a rental car I was driving and when I went to take it out it wasn't there. I asked my roommate if she had taken it. I thought maybe she was hiding it because she didn't want me go to Lucky's house that night. She was really concerned about me sleeping with him. So I thought she was playing a trick to get me to stay home that night. Well when I asked her about it, she became irrate and told me I needed to come up with some moving plans. So I immediately called Neptune and spent the night at his house and then moved my stuff to his place the next day. I just got settled in this past weekend. Rearranging the room and getting sheets for the bed.

He seemed happy to have me here. But he and his fiancee were talking getting back together so continually reminded me that we needed to be professional. Well we were doing pretty well with that until Friday night. He invited me out with a couple of his neighbors. It was fun. One friend bought a bottle of Moet Rose for all of us. It was delicious. But things turned when Neptune couldn't stop drinking. He didn't even have money to buy anything, but somehow when the club was about to close he was able to down a heiniken and shot of henessey. On the way out he started an argument with the bouncers about his shirt he left inside and almost started a fight with a guy who started talking to me outside. When he got his shirt back he hit me with it and then said he hated me. He asked why i was about to sleep with his friends. I said "I'm not your girl" and He said well I want you to be.

He definitely has a binge drinking issue, but I knew what he was saying and doing was all alcohol. Now I could see why his girl left him, besides the cheating. That night he tried to sleep with me. But I refused cause he was being to ruff. I slept next to him and soon fell out, but was rudely awaken by his dick being shoved in my mouth. I pushed him off of me and made him stop and he finally went to sleep. The next morning he was still horny and wanted head. I obliged and soon after he wanted sex. Rough sex. Like slap me talk dirty to me spit in my mouth sex. The kind you only see on pornos. Kinky shit. It was a turn on but I wasn't expecting half the shit he did and asked me to do. But I loved it.

Sunday morning, he was being nicer. We sat in the living room and watched TV. He apologized for how he acted over and over. He exclaimed how it shouldn't have happen and how upset he was with himself. Then he asked if we could have sex again. He jumped in the shower and I after him. When I got out he met me in the hall and kissed me softly on the lips. We moved to his bedroom and he hit it from behind. I looked back at him and he watched my face as I moaned and bit my lip, grabbing the sheets. After that session I had to got meet my ex fiancee. We talked about it. Neptune said I should go back to him. But I told him it wasn't what i wanted. He started talking about his ex, saying she deserved better and he did her so wrong and could understand why she couldn't forgive her. I was proud of him for the revelation.

I met with my ex fiancee at our old house. He had gotten a puppy. It was going to be my valentine's present, but he decided not to give it to me at the last minute. I played with it a bit, then he and I went out to eat. We talked over dinner. I let him know I wasn't ready to come back and that it was a possibility for us to get back together but not a promise. We can still talk and see each other from time to time, but getting back together was a big step. He understood. We went to the pet store to get some things for his puppy, we took her for a walk, and then parted ways.

Neptune called me while I was away. On my way back I called him back. He was at the store. When I got home I told him what happened with my ex and in the middle of my explanation he reaches over and kisses me. I was surprised and the rest of the night we cuddled and slept together. It was really nice.

I don't know where all that came from. It's like suddenly he realized that we should be together. Or he was feeling lonely. Only time will tell.....

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Gotta Make a Move

Neptune and I spent about a week apart starting Valentine's day. That was tough for me. I don't like spending Valentine's alone and I told Neptune this, but he repeatedly proclaimed, "It's just another day." He was still grieving the loss of his ex and he supposedly wanted to be alone. I don't really know what he was doing, but by thursday night he was telling me he missed me.

I had already set up a date for Friday night with someone else I met on the dating site. I'll call him Lucky because he claims to be a good poker player. I asked Lucky if he wanted to go to dinner Friday and he accepted my invititation. But by Friday he was claiming he had to spend time with his son. I suggested we go to a nearby restaurant and he agreed, but then asked me if I wanted to go to a comedy show. So I drove to his house in the hood and waited for him to come out. I had met lucky before when he was in his work clothes. But he looked much better dressed up. My perfect type. Tall, light skinned, average build, straight teeth, nice butt. We walked to the venue because it was 3 sweaty blocks away. I marched like a trooper in 4 inch heeled boots. I was quite misty when we arrived, but dried off pretty quickly. During the show, Lucky couldn't keep his hands off my thighs. His touch felt so good. We held hands much of the time there. It was nice. We walked back to his place. I took off my boots and he held them. It was a nice gesture. Stuff like that makes me feel sexy and desired. I wasn't planning to have sex with Lucky, but he was making it hard. Plus I hadn't had any in a week. So when we got back to his place, we watched TV and maid out during commercials. It was nice, but whenever his show came back on, it was hard to keep his attention.

Lucky is good with his hands though. He knew how to touch me and he went down on me. I would have come if he'd done it a little longer, but I guess he was anxious to get inside me. So we had sex. It was not the greatest. To be sucha good looking guy, his dick game is not on point. His son was sleeping in the other room, so maybe he was not putting his all in. I still like Lucky though. I want to give him a chance. Sometimes it takes a while to get a rhythm going with someone new. Although with Neptune it was good from the start. What I did like about sex with Lucky is that he adored my body. He kept giving me compliments. That made me feel much more comfortable giving my body to him. Neptune isn't like that, but he does tell me I'm sexy. Neptune also hasn't tried to give me any head. However, he loves to be on the receiving end. Lucky told me he doesn't care for fellatio, but loves going down. What the hell kinda guy is he? He's gonna make some innocent girl happy, but I love giving head and I can't imagine being with someone who doesn't want it. It's the only thing I'm confident about in the bedroom.

The next morning Lucky and I had sex twice more before I went home. All I could think about was Neptune. I wanted him. Sex was better with him. I felt more comfortable with him. I felt like I belonged with him.

Soon after I got back, Neptune texted me, saying he needed me. I showered and headed over. He was sick and his son was over. I took care of both of them. We went to the mall and to the playland. We watched movies. It was instant family again. Neptune was feeling bad the whole time though. We didn't have sex, but I gave him some head and a hand job and he came pretty easily. We did reach a milestone this weekend. I talked to him extensively about my ex for the first time. That helped me alot. I needed to tell him how I was feeling about my ex fiancee and all the emotions I was going through with him and my family. I wanted to tell Neptune that I was falling in love with him, but I kept that to myself.

After our weekend together, I went home. Neptune called and thanked me for all i'd done for him and his son. I told him I do it because I care about him. He said it shows. I know Neptune feels the same way about me. I told him about some issues with my roommate and he suggested i move in with him. Take up the other bedroom, jsut no boys allowed. I told him, "and no girls." That would truly work great. I brought it up again later and he smiled about it. I don't know how real he was with the invite to move, but I'll bring it up again because I feel like I live with a second mother right now. Somethings got to give. I don't want to jsut move in with Neptune because of that though. I do really enjoy spending time with him and I want to be around him more and more. I have practically lived there and he likes having me around. I just need to know that it's not for sex, food, or loneliness, but because he really thinks I'm the one for him. Whether it's for the moment or a lifetime. I need to know that he wants me and wants to fall in love with me.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

So Confused

So Neptune and I are doing well. I spent last weekend with him and his son. It was like instant family. His son was so cute and he was happy to be around me. I will see them this weekend as well. I've spent eveynight there since Monday. I am really starting to develop feelings for him. I don't want to say I'm falling in love. He is a complicated guy. I think he's a sex addict. I know he is a cheater. He cheated on his ex-fiancee with at least 5 different women. He's a binge drinker. I know I am kidding myself thinking that we can possibly have a long term serious relationship. But I'm thinking I can fall in love with this guy if I just throw caution to the wind and give my heart and trust to him. The positives are that he sees how his sex addiction can affect someone he loves and he is in a Level 1 alcohol class. So he's making changes for the better. He also was reading the bible, which should help as well.

I really don't know how to feel. Tonight and Tomorrow night we are spending apart because he's going out and I'm going out. He is probably gonna have sex with some other chick but whatever, i'm not gonna think about it. He asked if I want to put him on lockdown. I do, but I don't want to jump into a relationship so soon. I don't want to be heart broken again. Maybe I need to grieve the loss off my fiancee.

Sometimes I want to go back to my ex, just so I don't have get used to someone new. But with everything that has happened I just can't go back. I want to be back in my home, but I can't cause he's there.

It just hurts me that he would do such a stupid thing when we are supposed to be getting married. Did he not understand that I am young, beautiful, and intelligent and had no business being with his old ass? Did he know that I loved him and cared for him, though I was not completely sexually attracted to him? Did he know that I didn't really enjoy sex with him.? Did he know his whining and complaining grated my nerves, but I put up with it and eventually just got used to it. I didn't have to be with him. But we built a life together and I wanted to maintain that.

There was nothing I wanted more than to get married and start a family. But you can't trust men. You can't depend on them.

If I don't hear from Neptune before tomorrow night. I think I'll give Bruno a call and make him meet up with me, so we can get this sexual encounter out of the way.