I was taught when I was little that if you put God first, He will provide everything. It wasn't until I was in Holiness that I truly saw this come to fruition. The Bible says, "seek ye first the kingdom of God..." That's all Holiness was about. But I gave it all up. I gave up on God and in doing so I gave up all that he'd given me. It took me a while to make the connection. After I left NC and moved back home, down-trodden, broken hearted and depressed, I had to learn to trust God and praise him through all of the hurt emotions and broken faith. The pastor at the church I was attending would often preach that we had to lift God up even when we are down and in return he'd bless us. He was right. After searching for a biology related job to no avail and then working at a fast food restaurant full-time, I finally met a part-timer who was working for a great company looking for people with a science background. And although the original position I applied for was not offered to me, the manager forwarded me and my app to another developing team and I soon was working a better job with more pay, hours, and benefits.
Things were turning around and the praising was doing me some good. God also put a man in my life. Not my ideal man, but someone to take care of me, provide for me, and love me like a man should. I grew to love him. I loved him so much that when we were on the verge of an awful break-up due to all the turmoil in our relationship, I reached bag into my Holiness faith and fasted and prayed for us. God turned things around in days. Things were never the same after that. Sure we'd argue here and there, almost break up and then make up again. But I had more patience, he was less insecure and argumentative. Things were good and we were getting married.
But apparently God had other plans. He wanted me else where. But I wasn't ready. I didn't even know what was going on. But He's changed my life in 20 different ways recently. I'm just hanging on for dear life. I'm praising him through the pain. I'm trusting him all the while. And learning not to lean unto my own understanding or put my faith in man. He is showing me again that his Word is true. I once again have no clear vision of my future, but I do see his love, his mercy, his kindness, his faithfulness. I see that He is with me and that everything will be alright. Everything will work out for the good of they that love the Lord. And God is going to renew my strength and my faith.